A rant about a rant

Dear readers. I realize that while it was all true, last week’s rant was not my best work. I admit that being negative and focusing on it seems to be paying off for me in terms of subject matter, but I truly feel that it is not particularly healthy. And I realize that some of the examples I gave may have been rather weak ones.

I won’t go back to the restaurant that serves staples in the salad and broken glass in the soup anymore, for what should be obvious reasons. I’m also not going to mention who they are, as there is no such thing as bad advertising. I know that probably none of you want staples in your salads or glass in your soups, but admittedly, mistakes like these can happen at any restaurant. It’s just usually me who gets the “problem food.”

I admit that I’m very easily frustrated and have many ever-changing triggers or “hot buttons.” I also admit that, often as a result of frustration, I can be vengeful, intense, acerbic, mean spirited, irritating, annoying, aggravating, sardonic, sarcastic, broodish, brutish, and moody. Never intentionally ironic, but sometimes…

Now, I’ve been around the block a few times, seen a lot of it, been amongst people who have had news stories about them, been interviewed for books, magazines and television, and I’d like to be like them. I never got too many accolades. Maybe I’m the guy they all forgot about. Maybe my spotlight just hasn’t come back around to me yet. Heaven knows, I’m not the best looking guy, I admit that. I’m not exactly a hipster or a “Beautiful Person” despite having lived in that world before. My formative years were in a family climbing the ladder in the prosperous 1980’s, only to get beaten down badly by the recession of the early 90’s and ultimately ending up bitter and sometimes depressed to the point of mania.

The fact that I have ADHD all my life hasn’t helped – much. I’ve struggled through everyday life for nearly 35 years now and I have learned a few coping mechanisms. I’ve developed defense mechanisms and I’ve received my warded responses. The problem is I am too much of a self-critical brooder. I torture myself often enough in a psychological sense because I don’t believe that my subconscious likes me very much. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t see a psychiatrist. After therapy for much of my adolescence, I’m reluctant to do that. If I decide I need it, I should be extremely proud that I’m Canadian, because depression caused by poverty in the United States will go untreated for lack of ability to pay the psychiatrist.

I know I apologize much too often and accordingly many apologies become almost meaningless. I screw up far too often for me not to need to be constantly and consistently apologetic. Just the same, please accept my heartfelt apology for the quality of last week’s piece. It isn’t easy or healthy coming up with new rants every week, and it isn’t very good copy to write multiple rants about the same topics over and over again until the topics get tired.

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