Adam Levine is Definitely Not the Sexiest Man Alive

adam-levine-1

When you think of the term sexiest man alive, you think of a man with a chiseled face and perfect hairline that makes girls swoon from coast to coast. A Brad Pitt or George Clooney type whose debonair charm and wit are equally matched by his rugged handsomeness. This week, People Magazine announced the next name they would be adding to the venerable list of Sexiest Man Alive is… Adam Levine!?

Levine has all the sex appeal of a soggy pile of ten-day old trash. They might as well have picked Robin Thicke. I would much rather bang present day Mick Jagger, whether he demonstrates any of his famous moves or not.  Hell, I’d rather bang Mick Jagger’s roadies than go anywhere near that moronic Maroon 5 frontman who just seems to exude the scent of a douche. It’s all those trashy tattoos and the smug smile he can’t wipe off his face… and not smug in a sexy way.

“I’ve always felt a little misrepresented in the world,” he told Details Magazine.  “I felt like people only knew me as a singer who dated pretty girls. A little bit of a bimbo. Maybe I was kind of a bimbo,” he adds, laughing. “I was the music dude that was naked all the time with the girls, and that’s fine, no problem with that.”

**EXCLUSIVE** Ryan Gosling, wearing a denim jacket and skinny jeans, hangs out on the set of his upcoming movie "Drive"And he’s the first self-designated “music dude” to receive the honor from the magazine – all the previous recipients have been actors. Oh wait, I almost forgot, Levine is diversifying his portfolio and trying his hand at the craft of acting. In fact, his being brutally stabbed by a serial killer was one of the definite highlights of last season’s American Horror Story. He’s also the only winner of the title whose current level of celebrity revolves around a reality show, indicative of a shift in the mainstream mindset of what constitutes fame these days.

I yearn for the days where a man like Brad or George would capture the collective consciousness, permeating the swooning hearts of the masses. With the way the fame machine is running, it seems doubtful we’ll ever have another so-called super hunk like that. Even recent choices like Hugh Jackman and Channing Tatum seem a few tiers lower in the star system than past Hollywood royalty winners like Tom Cruise… which isn’t to say the award is free from clunkers like Harry Hamlin or Nick Nolte. Look at the perennially passed-over choice Ryan Gosling. Sure, he has his own hilarious meme and rabid sects of fans, but they fail to catapult to the level of Sexiest Man Alive.  More like Guy You’d Most Like to Take Back Home to Meet your Parents.

jon-hammPersonally, I’d have gone with someone like Michael Fassbender or Jon Hamm. Fassbender makes daring choices as an actor, including the decision to bare it all for Shame (spoiler alert: he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of). Hamm can do comedy or drama with equal skill and flair, and he just seems like a very friendly and personable guy, exuding classic Hollywood charm.

Join the discussion

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *