rude-granny1

Foxy worries that as she gets older, it’s not just her looks that she’s losing. I used to think it was really funny that old people just let their farts rip while they walk. Gross, but funny. But as I get older I realize that it’s rude. Funny, but rude. And it dawned on me, many of these people were responsible for moulding the manners of other people children and these children were taught to suppress their farts or at least to say “excuse me”. So does old age give you the right to give up all pretense of socially acceptable behaviour?

am a slob. I have come to terms with the fact that I will always be a slob, in the way that an alcoholic who doesn’t drink any more will always be an alcoholic. My name is Foxy, and I am a slob.

I have been known to go weeks, not days, without washing dishes. I have had cats for most of my adult life who, I believe, think they are supermodels, and throw up their food soon after eating it. I have left that on the floor. I have gone months without vacuuming or washing the floors. I have left more hair in the sink and tub than most people have on their heads. I have subscribed to the “if it’s yellow leave it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down” theory…

Little people are scary. Not the “Little People,” but miniature versions of adults – babies in tuxedos, spelling bee champions who use the words in context, kids in miniature Lambourghinis pissed about imaginary traffic jams. There is certainly something to be said about precocious and intelligent children, and everyone wants to relate to their kids, but making them into adults is not just creepy, it’s wrong. Like “Claudia” in Interview With The Vampire…

Neil Young said “it’s better to burn out than fade away”, clearly what was true for him in his thirties isn’t so much so in his 60s. He has quietly continued to consistently produce great music for some 40 years (and no one wants to see him shake his lice-ridden money maker anyway). Tom Waits hasn’t attempted collaborations with 50 Cent to keep his image youthful. Conversely, the Rolling Stones, who don’t realize that just because one of them is already embalmed doesn’t mean the rest are…

“Just be honest”. While everybody says it, nobody really means it all the time. While honesty is always the best policy, it’s not always the most sensitive policy. So we lie – to get out of trouble, to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, to make ourselves feel better. And we all support these lies. When a girl asks…

I have, thus far, very much enjoyed the privacy of my own home. I am single, without roommates and the cat and I co-exist with – in a “you don’t pay/you don’t say” kinda way. This affords me the freedom to walk around in various states of un-shaven, un-coiffed, un-bathed, un-done un-glory with no-one to see it. Or rather, it did. I remember watching The Jetsons thinking, “How cool is that”…

The radio only speaks directly to two kinds of people- the insane and the insanely heartbroken. When one is the latter, it seems that every song has been hand picked by the DJ to ensure that your heart remains irreparably broken. With the level of insanity it takes to believe the DJ is conspiring against you, it is not hard to believe that if you drove to the radio station he or she would be sitting there laughing and licking whipped cream off your ex. Then the DJ goes into…

Around Grammy time, I am reminded of two young upstarts who, being moderately attractive but wholly lacking in talent, were ultimately humiliated and ostracised. I’m speaking, of course, of Milli Vanilli. Over 20 years later, they are still regarded as the epitome of raw talentlessness and having been stripped of their Grammys. And over 20 years later, Grammys and the like are still being bestowed upon the attractive and talentless who enter the studio with…