BREAKING NEWS: Stephen Harper admits he is a cyborg sent here to kill us all!

In what some are describing as the most brazen move   of his political career, Prime Minister Stephen Harper admitted in a Parliament Hill news conference earlier this evening that he is, in fact, a cyborg from another planet sent to earth many years ago to get on the airwaves and slowly bore the populace to death.

“I felt that I had to come clean,” Harper told the stunned Ottawa press corps, “I mean, after all, transparency in government is a big thing with voters this year.” He followed this explanation by stripping down to his actual appearance, which, to no one’s surprise, looked more like a robot from the 1950s then a cool Terminator-esque cyborg.

Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff said that it was surprising considering he was about to make a similar admission later this week while the NDP’s Jack Layton was quoted as saying: “figures, we all know he wants to replace the Canadian worker with robots.” Bloc leader Gilles Duceppe brushed off the revelation as a non-story, arguing that if it didn’t mean more money for Quebec, then he just plain wasn’t interested.

No one is sure just what effect this will have on the Conservatives’ re-election chances. Personally, I don’t think it will hurt them at all, considering (if you haven’t figured it out already or just want it to be true) it’s a total fabrication. No, not an April Fool’s joke, but pure and simple bullshit.

We may be seeing more of the same coming from established and not-so-established news sources in the near future if our newly un-closeted cyborg and the CRTC have their way. In less than 48 hours, the government regulator may pierce a huge loophole in the “fair and balanced” rule (the actual rule in Canada, not the FOX news trademarked slogan) that “would require any complaint to include proof that the broadcaster knew that the news was false and that the lies spread could endanger the lives, health or safety of the public.”

So, let’s say, for example, Sun News (or FOX News North as it has come to be known), whose Canadian launch suspiciously coincides with the potential passing of this loophole, wants to say that no one showed up at a protest against, say, the mission in Afghanistan when in reality there were thousands. Is the report false? For sure. Did the producers and reporters know it was false? Yup. Did it endanger the lives, health or safety of the public? Well, not the public here at home, at least, so it passes.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a little flare in reporting. In fact, I took great joy in creating that little scenario at the beginning of this post. I also firmly believe that unbiased journalism is a fantasy. In fact, this site is riddled with bias, as is FOX News and its soon-to-be Canadian offshoot. The main difference here, is that we, at the very least, get the facts right and don’t outright lie. Spin and opinion are a completely different ballpark.

At the very least, a national “news” network like Sun and any major media should be held to the same standards as an independent website. If you feel the same and want to let the cyborg and the CRTC know, then please sign the petition at avaaz.org. Time is running out.

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