Even a Soft No Resonates


I have never been good at saying NO. I am a people pleaser, I want everyone to be happy and will do whatever I can to help that process. Sometimes you can give everything and not save any of that kindness or care for your own damn self. I have deserted myself, left my own needs and wants to die at the door step. I need to be in a committed relationship with myself, putting my wants and needs first, taking care of myself before I give it all away for free.

No is one of the first words babies can understand. Displaying that you are dissatisfied and do not like something is incredibly important. We all need to respect each others’ boundaries.

Being overtly sexual in text or whisper is something that gets under my skin. I usually have this problem with people I have already slept with who are trying to tap dat ass again. Your dick pic does not turn me on. I am not vicious, I am honest. I will never put myself in an uncomfortable situation ever again.

These gems of human dialogue were both said to me by two different people during the same night: “Baby I jerk off to the thought of your beautiful mouth around my cock.” NO! Then later “Someday the right guy will come along and everything will be ok.” FUCK NO!

If one more person tells me how dirty I am or how good of a mother I would be I will flip out. I’ve said NO to many things, I will not work in an office for something unethical, I will not eat meat, I will not get on a scale, and I will not ever be a cookie cutter female.

Even a soft no resonates, if I have to give you a HARD NO that’s bullshit, the first sign that I am not into it you back off buster. I literally had to get in this guy’s face and repeat myself for him to then eventually respectfully understand, but it shouldn’t have ever gotten to that point.

I did know and like him, I have been with him before and it was superb, I just wasn’t in the mood that particular night. I was too drunk, too tired, had to work in the morning. I should not have had to explain myself. A simple no is all you need. You cannot convince someone to change their mind. Consent is respect and anything else is rape.

When I am interested in someone I move slow. I look at their body language, and *shock* their actual language. Yes, “No” is a word. If she says she is tired, let her sleep, if his eyes are wandering I let them wander, who am I to control anyone? Just because I am horny doesn’t mean that you feel the same.

Girls Just Want to Be Safe (and Have Fun too)
Girls Just Want to Be Safe (and Have Fun too)

I have felt one sided love too many times. It sucks to hear NO and have to walk away. But, I’ve done it, and I have walked away when not wanted. There will be a moment when I confess my love and the other person says YES, but I am not banking on it, and I will not alter my life to find it.

I am not very hard to please, I will go along with most things, but as of recently I am making myself loud and clear about not doing things that I don’t want to do. I have turned down people that I once yearned for because I suddenly awoke to their true colors.

There is too much beauty to be held down or back by dumb motherfuckers who expect the world (and my pussy) handed to them on a golden platter. I am a strong and powerful creature who cannot be swayed. With this power you must help others who still feel weak. Help others when their “NO” isn’t being heard, we need to stand up for each other, check in if you see someone in distress.

I was once driving down the street and saw a girl running away and getting screamed at by a man, I stopped and asked her if she needed my help, told her she could get in the car, that I was a safe space. She said she was fine, he does this all the time, and that she was in no danger. WHAT? Clearly whatever he is trying to do to you is making you physically run away from him.

Never be that woman, never let some strange misguided love make abuse OK, ABUSE IS NOT OK! Ever! Nothing I said would get this woman in my car, nothing I could do would make her respect herself and stop the cycle. She probably has a child with him, thinks she is trapped, nobody else will love her. WRONG!

My best friend left an abusive relationship and is now married to the love of her life, a beautiful and kind man, she has a child and so did he, now they are having another to complete their family. There is always somebody else. An abuser is not a lover, if they hurt you GO, no matter how hard it feels reach out and you will have support.

Say yes to the good things in life, say yes to the people who you want to say yes to. Say yes to positive experiences and new adventures. Be happy and spread happiness and kindness to all the others you meet. We live in a world where women have to fight off sexual advances and assault on the regular.

I don’t go a day without a cat call or unsolicited yuck. Fuck that yuck. Empower yourself and others by staying strong to your convictions. Teach others to hold their heads up high and not be swayed by anything but their own hearts and minds.

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