Laurence Reads IV

Once again, Laurence takes off his ranting hat and puts on his spoken-word troubadour one to (virtually) perform us some of his poetry…

Hey Mr. Conductor!

Hey, Mr. Conductor! How much is the fare?
Hey Mr. Conductor!   Please, will you take me there!
Mr. Conductor! Please show me to my seat,
Mr. Conductor, take my ticket, please.

Hey Mr. Porter!
Take my bags for me
Mr. Porter! Load this baggage please,
Mr. Porter, I got a real good tip for you,
Mr. Porter, I’ll pay it when this trip’s through.

I‘m riding her by train
Way across the plains
She’s in my private car
I’m taking her too far…

Hey, Mr. Engineer! Don’t you drive too fast,
Mr. Engineer! I want this trip to last!
Mr. Engineer! Take us across the miles
Mr. Engineer! Drive this train with style!

I‘m riding her by train
Way across the plains
She’s in my private car
I’m taking her too far…

Mr Conductor! This trip hat been so smooth
Mr. Conductor! We’ve got her in the groove!
Mr Porter! Get my baggage please!
Mr. Porter! Here is your money!

I‘m rode with her by train
All the way, out across the plains
She’s was in my private car
But I’ve taken her too far…

Hey Mr. Conductor, we took her for the ride,
Mr Conductor! I’m so glad I didn’t drive!

CLICKETY_CLACK
(The Prison Train)

I’m taken aback
As the lonesome whistle blows
And I hear that sound, once again
Clickety-clack
Clickety-clack

And I’m taken, aback

They’re coming for me
To take me away
For I’ve been a bad boy today
And thus, cometh the prison train

Clickety-clack
Clickety-clack

A chuggin’ choo choo on down the track
Barred windows, and not many of them
That engine is hauling us all to the pen

As the sound comes closer, ever closer
Clickety-clack
Clickety-clack
And the lonesome whistle calls

When the guard prods me, I board
And then I hear the engine rumble
And the lonesome whistle’s howl
And the endless noise the railroad makes
Clickety-clack
Clickety-clack

The endless noise the railroad makes
Clickety-clack
Clickety-clack

And to the pen, I’m going back
Clickety-clack.

Candy

Candy colored, candy covered
Chocolates.
Tasty snack, tasty treat
Tasty, tasty! Good to eat!
Sugar Sugar Sugar Sugar
Candy Candy Candy!

Turn My Knob

COME ON HONEY, WELL,
YOU KNOW I LIKE YOUR SMELL,
OH BABY DON’T YOU KNOW,
I’M IN THE RADIO

I NEED YOU TO TURN MY KNOB
SET THE VOLUME AND SWITCH ME ON
I NEED YOU TO ADJUST MY DIAL
TUNE IN TO ME AND STAY A WHILE

COME ON, HONEY, WELL
I KNOW YOU’RE ON MY SPELL,
AND EVERYWHERE YOU GO,
I’M IN YOUR RADIO

I NEED YOU TO TURN MY KNOB
SET MY VOLUME AND SWITCH ME ON
I NEED YOU TO TURN MY DIAL
TUNE IN TO ME AND STAY A WHILE

COME ON HONEY, WELL,
I KNOW YOU’LL NEVER TELL,
JUST LIKE THE WIND, YOU BLOW,
I AM YOUR RADIO

AND I NEED YOU TO TURN MY KNOB
SET THE VOLUME AND TURN ME ON
I NEED YOU TO SET MY DIAL
TUNE IN TO ME AND STAY A WHILE

–   –

I NEED YOU TO TURN MY KNOB
SET THE VOLUME AND SWITCH ME ON
I NEED YOU TO ADJUST MY DIAL
TUNE IN TO ME AND STAY A WHILE

Support Our Festival

BECOME AN ALCOHOLIC
BUY LOTS OF BEER
LET’S SUPPORT OUR FESTIVAL
WITH TOO MUCH GOOD CHEER

DAY AFTER DAY,
BUY A GALLON A DAY
KILL YOURSELF FOR THE CAUSE

FORSAKE ALL YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES
GIVE ALL YOUR TIME AND FINANCES
TO SUPPORT THE CAUSE,
DON’T THINK OF DIRE CIRCUMSTANCES

LIVE AND BREATHE THE FESTIVAL
BECOME ANOTHER SHILL
AND A REGULAR DRUNKARD,
ONLY PAY OUR BILL

LOSE YOUR PHONE, YOUR POWER, YOUR HOME
IN SUPPORT OF OUR CULT
THAT MAY SEND YOU TO ROAM

LOSE YOUR JOB, YOUR SAVINGS, YOUR FRIENDS
TO SUPPORT OUR LITTLE COVEN
THAT’S HOW IT ENDS.

BECOME AN ALCOHOLIC
BUY LOTS OF BEER
LET’S SUPPORT OUR FESTIVAL
WITH TOO MUCH GOOD CHEER

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