Forum M: Episode 6 Return of the Column
“And I come back to you now – at the turn of the tide.”
Yes, indeed. It is me. I do exist. I am alive. And this summer heat has been killing me! Much like I am sure it has been killing you as well. If you demand an explanation as to why I was away, this answer is short and simple: priorities. Luckily for you, however, my priority list has changed. And for the better. What this means is that I now have time to actually do this column. And today’s column is a biggie, albeit late. Very late.
E3 2010. Wow, did anyone else nearly fall asleep this E3? Not only was it on when the World Cup was beginning its group stages, but the actual event itself was so boring I thought I was back in a Lush Soap store in downtown Ottawa long story there, but I think I’d rather be in the soap store than sit through this snooze-fest again.
Okay, so I guess it wasn’t all that bad. First, the good: for those of you who read my review of NHL 10 many months ago and who actually played the game, then I think NHL 11 is going to take what worked and perfect it. Already announced for the 2-time Sports Game of the year-winner are enhancements and new features such as broken sticks, disallowed goals and a new hitting engine. Awesome. But please do away with first-person fighting. It’s just lame.
In other news, Nintendo’s new Zelda game for the Wii had a preview shown at the Nintendo press conference. I’m not normally one to knock Zelda, but I was never impressed with the “Toon Link” formula. Wind Waker was enough for me, but they expanded this art style in other Zelda games too and for what purpose? Personally, I think it’s to mask the poor graphical capabilities of the Wii without having this new game turn into a clone of Twilight Princess. Not only that, but is anyone tired of wondering if we’ll end up getting either the longshot or a boomerang this time? Honestly, I really miss Majora’s Mask. That was a Zelda game with some life. THREE DAYS!!!
I really hate to see Star Wars: The Old Republic portrayed in this way. And the only reason I’m saying this, is because it’s a trailer only. The actual game won’t be like this at all. And I’m also pissed because this kind of art style and look was what that repulsive, overly kid-friendly cartoon “The Clone Wars” needed to be like. I mean, watch this trailer. Look at the energy in this battle sequence! But if you think that’s something…
Yes, yet another Star Wars game I’m going to most likely HAVE to purchase. The Force Unleashed was one of my favourite Star Wars games ever. Why? Because it was totally badass. It had the look, energy and took what was actually good in the prequels (episode 3 only) and tied it together with the original trilogy. That and how can you not like Star Killer? Hmm… Star Destroyer, Death Star did George Lucas have a grudge against stars as a kid? Seems like an awful lot of ships, battle stations and people have some sort of inflicting doom in their name, followed or listed before the word Star. Newsflash stars die on their own. It’s part of the circle of life.
Deus Ex 3… where to really start here? Oh yeah, this game looks so awesome. For a game. Let’s just hope this isn’t the same deal as Metal Gear Solid 4, in which case you bought a game and paid for a movie. Personally, I like cut scenes in games, but what I would give for these types of things to end up in an actual theatre. Hint hint.
Oh Spider-man, how I have missed thee. Honestly, I think Spider-Man is probably my favourite super hero of all time, but this game looks like shit. Maybe even like a shit that took a shit. Is that even possible? Who cares. Ask those 2 girls standing over there with cups in their hands. Okay, old meme, but shit happens. No pun intended. My issue with the game is that it looks like a game that should have come out on the PS2 or Gamecube. I, for one, am not interested. Even though I love Spider-Man (I’ve actually been told I look like Toby McGuire don’t know what to think of that) this game does not appeal to me and its concept, judging by the trailer is a total sleep fest.
Luckily, for all you Spider-Man fans, there’s still Marvel versus Capcom. And bah gawd, for a fighting game, I’m going to totally mark out and orgasm. Putting Capcom’s cast of characters against Marvel’s allstars is like putting peanut butter together with chocolate, only instead of chocolate and peanut butter, you’re getting a little thing called sex. It’s popular amongst teenagers, black people, homosexuals, couples, groups, submissive men, kinky leather-bound dominatrices, whores and your mother in-law. Honestly, how can you not love Marvel vs. Capcom unless you’re a paraplegic who gets turned on by walking? Exactly.
Okay, that’s some rather good and bad stuff mixed together. But what about the big new thing from Nintendo, the 3DS. Well, it’ll have better graphics than the DS 3D ones to be correct, wifi and will probably be able to act as a backup MP3 player or iPod. Still, I wouldn’t play this thing on the bus. Some of Nintendo’s famous N64 titles have been announced for the 3DS, such as Ocarina of Time and Star Fox 64 according to my sources. That’s a key selling point. But the question is pretty much this: do we really need 3D gaming at this exact moment?
The short answer: no. The long answer: noooooooo.
That’s all I’m going to talk about this issue without moving onto yet another. Microsoft’s Kinect and Sony’s Playstation Move. Honesty, all we have to blame is Nintendo for ever brining “motion controls” into gaming. I really don’t like these ideas. And all I can do is laugh at how much better Move is than Kinect and how much better both of these two add-ons are superior to the Wii. Pretty much, these things start off nice, but there is not enough variety for me to ever actually find it in me to purchase these things. I can only wonder if there will be one game that actually sets the bar. Something that you ‘have’ to buy. Maybe a game where there’s a gun to my head, forcing me to play the game… or at least some sort of firing weapon.
Besides these games, nothing else really stood out to me as being overly epic and a must-buy. Even Marvel vs. Capcom had been announced earlier than E3, and all we got for a good number of these games were new trailers for products already announced at earlier events. I really didn’t find too much to like at this year’s E3, making it in some ways a bit substandard. Really hoping for what looks good in trailer form to deliver in gameplay when released.
That’s it for now. May the force be with you.
