Requiem Of Sin
Alright, to begin. If you’ve been following my column, you have probably noticed two things. First, I owe you a review of Dragon Gate USA. Secondly, although I owe you a review of that, I said I would review something else for this week’s column: Dragon Naturally Speaking 10. Right, about that… I ended up getting a new laptop from BestBuy for University and it had Dragon on it. Guess what? My laptop died! Yes, that’s right. Dead. Gone. Bye-bye. Hasta la vista, baby. So, in its place, I am going to be reviewing something completely different: BestBuy. Yes, I am going to be reviewing a store. Oh my god!!
First, I’ve only been inside of a BestBuy about four times in my life. This time, however, was the first time in about six years that I have been in one. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like electronic stores, but even Future Shop on commission has better service! I was running…
UPDATE!!!!
Yes, as I was writing this, I took a look at my laptop and discovered that part of the cable was unplugged and the battery died. How?!?! I swear, it wasn’t like that before I blame the Quebec Separatists. Anyway, turns out my laptop is actually okay… wow. So, with this being said, I cannot review BestBuy, because all my rage I had for them has subsided, and I haven’t been able to use Dragon enough to give it a legit rating. Thus, I will present you with some fiction I have written from eight months ago.
Requiem of Sin: Epilogue
I had been locked in a room for hours. I stared up at the ceiling above and its infinite number of white plastered dots. I did not blink, nor move; I just lied there, like I was waiting for something to happen. Aside from staring up at the ceiling, I realized that I recognized this room, or at least, some parts of it. Many of the items in the room: a nightstand, a tall mirror, some out-of-place clothes — they belonged to someone I knew for a long, long time. May, my wife. And I was lying on her bed, sunk into the mattress, without any sense of reason or meaning. Just a few hours ago, I was finally going to do it: end my miserable excuse for a life after all the sins I had committed. I could remember holding a gun to my head and preparing to pull the trigger, awaiting to enter a new dimension and embrace a new existence. Yet, once again, I found myself drawn out of it by an unexpected force. She had returned for me, and alongside her was the man who had caused me to commit the sins that never left me and circled my head for days on end, breaking me down and drowning me in a sea blood.
My blood.
My blood bled black for six long months. The scars on my arms, legs, everywhere, they were all caused by my craving punishment. Craving atonement and release. Trying to bleed out the past. Yet, here I was, lying on her bed with her voice echoing in my head. It was her. She had returned once again.
“They say you’re going to be okay. I… I brought you something,” I looked up at her and smiled at her grace, her purity. Her black hair with a thread of golden-blonde highlights captivated me — made me feel like I was dreaming. But alas, I couldn’t bring myself to smile around her, not ever. My lips returned to their hollow expression. “They say you need to eat, though,” and she placed a tray with a plate of fruit on my lap along with a glass of water. It all looked so colourful when compared to the greyness that surrounded the room I was in. “Well, eat up.”
I didn’t say anything back to her. I just stared at the tray and the food she had prepared for me. The fruit had been cleaned in the sink, as tiny drops of water dripped from the top of the fruit and onto the plate. The water in the glass looked so clean and clear. It was pure.
“Pure…” I whispered just enough for her to hear. She looked me in the eye, and for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, we gazed into each other’s soul, seeking out hope. Her blue eyes only made my partly-green black eyes open wider. I began to think back to how things once were, and the first time we had met, so very long ago…
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The children played in the park. Running throughout the sand-filled playground, going up and down slides and pushing each other on swings. The sun beamed in the sky with its own charismatic shine and uniqueness. The clouds were formidably full of grace and wonder. I had returned home after a hectic work week. I was a rookie in the world of wrestling, but found myself steadily gaining popularity and drawing fans. It was a better time for me, though — well-known, yet I didn’t have everyone come up to me and say, ‘hey, didn’t I see you on TV last night?’. It was a time where I could still be that little boy who wanted to be like his father before him and make it big. Have dreams. Not needing to fulfil them no matter the cost. Some dreams… turn to nightmares.
As I walked on the recently-watered grass, enjoying a walk on my day off, I could notice someone looking at me. Maybe even… staring at me. Eyeing me carefully. Checking me out. I stopped walking for a moment and turned my head towards one of the park benches where a woman sat, gazing at me from afar. Her black hair, air-brushed face, and smile of serenity not only brought me near, but they were what attracted me further.
She waved towards me, in such a sense that she wanted me to go and see her. I slowly raised my right hand into the air, still in awe while looking on at her seemingly endless majestic attributes. The way her hair blew in the wind. The way she crossed her legs. Everything. It was all-consuming.
Everything about her… so…
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“Pure,” I said again, gazing up at her like it was the first time we had met all over again. “May, why am I here? Why did you come looking for me after all this time? Why is it that only now do you care? Only now…” my words were soft and weak, much like I was. Drowned in a sea of endless emotions, capped off by an unnatural high. I felt like I was soaring through the air, being lifted up by an overwhelming and all-powerful force. Sins… now cleansed.
“I would have, but I promised you I wouldn’t. I just… knew deep down that you would need me later on. It was hard for me, Mike. Laura contacted me about where you were staying and said I was the only one that could help you,” she said, referring to my other sister. The only member of my family that didn’t die in the church massacre. My other sister, the one who I had witnessed take about nine shots and died before she hit the floor — she was the one I would have to apologize to. In another world. Another realm. Not heaven. Nor hell.
“I don’t know what I am doing, May,” I said, finding it hard to speak, having a single tear roll down my right eye. “I caused so much pain, so much agony, so much…”
“I know, Mike,” she said, moving in closer, holding me tight. “I know what happened. I know how you had no other choice. But believe me — they have all forgiven you. Even dead, they have seen what you have gone through. They forgive you.”
“… they can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s impossible. Six months wasn’t enough, May. It wasn’t enough torture. It wasn’t enough pain. I had to bleed it all out. I had to bleed out my sins!”
“No, no, you don’t. Not anymore,” she said in an almost silent voice. Somehow, I knew that what I had gone through would never be enough. That a lifetime of pain would never be enough. Yet, her sweet, sweet voice told me otherwise. “You don’t have to feel pain anymore. Never again…”
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“I’ve… been training myself, actually,” she said, as we both sat down on the park bench enjoying the fresh air. A cool Autumn breeze blew in the air, calling to me. Calling to set me free.
“Really?” I asked her, smiling. “That’s great.”
“Yeah, I don’t know. I know it sounds weird — I mean, a twenty-one-year-old woman trying to become a wrestler when she can barley manage to open a jar of peanut butter,” she laughed, then gazed into my eyes, and I hers.
“I don’t think so,” I said, shaking my head. “I think it’s wonderful. I mean, you definitely have the look.”
“You think so?” she asked.
“I do,” I replied. “You’re really beautiful.”
She blushed and smiled, then gazed into the sky, letting the sun light up her eyes further, casting forth an almost surreal livelihood and essence. She looked back towards me again, and suddenly frowned.
“I just remembered reading somewhere about how your dad passed away in the ring during one of his matches. I don’t know why I am brining this up, but I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been really hard to deal with.”
“It was, you know. For the longest time I didn’t know how to deal with it. Then I decided to just honour him, and finish what he started, and try to become the best I could be. Surpass him even,” I said, remembering about how much my dad meant to me and my ultimate goal which was eventually becoming the greatest wrestler the world had ever known.
“That’s awesome,” she said. “I wish I could model myself after my mom or dad, but…” she stopped, having a hard time saying what she wanted to say. Her eyes began to become a tad watery, but she just let it out. “My mother killed my dad one night when he was really drunk. She was pregnant when she shot him, and when I was born I was placed into foster care. I don’t want to ever see her. She’s in prison for life.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry… uh… sorry, I never caught your name.”
“It’s May,” she said. “May Tain.”
I placed my arm around her and held her close, not ever wanting to let go. I could never let go. She just seemed so full of life and meaning. Like a perfectly-shaped piece of my puzzle of life.
“May, you don’t have to feel pain anymore. Never again…”
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“Never again,” I said, stroking her long black hair with my right hand. “I’m sorry. I should never have left you. I… I want to be free finally. I don’t want to have this weight keep me down. I want to finally be able to get over this.”
“Don’t worry. It’s done with now. You and I, Mike… we can start again. Live our lives the way we were supposed to live them,” she said. Her words meant so much to me. She was my angel of hope. My one hope to rid me from my faceless madness. My hell-on-earth life I had been living. My four-walled existence I called a life. She was going to cure my pain. She was going to open the door to my freedom. To my new life. She was my last chance.
“May…” I began, moving her aside and gazed into her eyes one last time. “I… there is something I have to do. One place I have to visit. I know where I can finally end it. But I need your help.”
She nodded her head.
“Anything for you. Just eat up, and we’ll leave when you’re ready.”
“Do you know where I have to go?”
She smiled.
“Of course. I always did.”
“I don’t know how to thank you. You’ve done so much, I–”
“Just eat and rest,” she said, cutting me off. “Just eat and rest.”
“One last thing,” I began, sitting up. “Why Necro? Why did you help him? And after all I did… why did he help me?”
“I needed help,” she began. “He needed help. He and Laura were the only survivors and I needed to make sure it was all okay.”
“What was that?” I asked.
“By me forgiving him, I knew that it was possible for anything to happen. And he agreed to help me; I brought back the good in him. I believed there is a way to free anyone. And I was right. Here we are.”
“Forever,” I said. “May… you know how you said we’ll leave when I’m ready?”
“Yeah?”
“I want to make sure that when I do it it’ll be when I really need to. When… I know for sure that I could be forgiven.”
She nodded her head.
“Anything for you,” she said. And with that I found myself drifting off into a peaceful state of mind. This time, I wasn’t going to lose her. This time, I would finally be able to say…
Forever.
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.::Present Day::.
“Here we are… at last,” May said as we drove up to the place that started my madness and drove me into a downward spiral for half-a-year. The rubble had been removed, and in its place, forty or so tombstones were positioned where the church used to be. In the field nearby, new roses were beginning to grow and blossom into something that was full of life and promise. A new beginning.
I opened up the front door and turned towards May, just as my two feet touched down on the ground that I hadn’t walked on for far too long. She simply nodded her head.
“I’ll be waiting. Just do what you have to do,” she said, as I turned my back to her and began to walk towards the tombstone-littered grave site where so many of my family members were buried. Aunts and uncles. Cousins and friends. People who I had worked with. So many memories of the past.
The wind blew crisply in the air. An echoing whisper of voices I had once known ran through my mind and down my spine. Whispers of the past. Whispers of a once-forgotten hope and a lingering absence from reality. I walked further into the field, passing stones that had a few of my cousins’ names written on them. With each stone I passed, I could hear their voices whisper to me.
‘We are one’
I passed many. All of which gave me the same words. Calling to me. Embracing me. Making me become one with my memories. Telling me deep down, that even though I had endured so much, I never had to endure anything.
‘You are forgiven’
Their words echoed throughout me. Binding together what was once lost and brining me in closer. Making me feel… at ease, and at peace. And finally, at the end of the long number of tombstones I had passed, I came to the final one, separated from the rest. It alone meant so much to me. More than any other stone before it.
My father’s resting ground. My father’s gravestone. Oddly enough, surrounded by so many others. So many members of his family were positioned all around his, although his had been there, by itself, long before any of the others had been. I bent down, and spoke to him, knowing he would hear me.
“Well, dad… here I am. Almost fifteen years later. I hope you’re proud of me for what I did in the ring. I think, I could be there shortly — the dream that is. To finally be the best in the whole world. I know that’s what you always wanted, and… here I am, trying to make it happen. I’m in the finals, so I must be doing something right.”
Silence. Just the blowing of the wind echoing in the air.
“I… just wanted to tell you personally that I’m sorry for what I did. But, I think I’m finally going to move on and put this behind me. Finally become something more. I don’t know if you could still love someone who accidentally had his whole family assassinated, but if you could, I just want to let you know that I’m dedicating my match in the finals to you. After all you did for me when I was young… I owe it to you.”
I dug into my jacket pocket and took out something and placed it on ground beside his grave and waited for a moment before speaking.
“A bit burnt from the fire it had survived so long ago, but well kept in the hands of my wife. Dad, this rose is for you. I gave it to May so long ago because I knew that with it, she would never forget me. I just… can’t have you forget me, and I can’t forget you, although I don’t visit as much as I should,” I took a deep breath and gulped down my fear of being here. It was hard — talking to my dad after all this time, grave or not, it was hard for me. It would be hard for anyone.
“I promise you, dad. I will fulfil your dream for you. For us.”
I stood up, and slowly turned around, walking away from the grave and back passed the endless number of graves. This time, they didn’t whisper one after the other, they all whispered at the same time. Giving me hope. Giving me a second chance. I was finally free. Finally… they all whispered together, allowing me to never forget.
‘Forever’
