Tip: How To Tolerate Star Wars Episodes 1 and 2 in 3D
Dear God?!? George Lucas, you’ve done it again! Just when I thought you were done hurting the good name of Star Wars, you announce that you’re remaking all six films in 3D. And what film do you suppose will be coming out first? Episode 1. Really George? Really? Why must you do this to us? At least show The Phantom Edit in 3D if you’re going to show Episode 1 at all, but all this means is that you’re going to show Episode 2 in 3D too. And that’s going to get less people to see it than reruns of Murder She Wrote. I mean, really. Ugh.
Lucky for everyone here, I have a little tip that should make Episodes 1 and 2 a little bit more bearable. Don’t think of them as prequels; think of them as being dreams. Yes, that’s right. Dreams. Why dreams? Simple. What if Episodes 1 and 2 were dreams Han Solo had when he was frozen in carbonite? It’s so simple.
When Han Solo is freed from his carbonite prison by Leia, he’s temporarily blind. This can only be explained by him living Episodes 1 and 2 in his mind. Because believe me, I would go blind too. And maybe even deaf. And that would suck. But think about it it all works so well.
If Attack of the Clones and The Phantom Menace were dreams, then it makes the films slightly more tolerable and on the same level as the Star Wars Christmas special. Which is what we all want, right? I mean, only in a dream can someone make up a character like Jar Jar Binks. And can you imagine Jar Jar Binks in 3D? I’d want to reach out and strangle him.
A funny story about Episode 2. Imagine me being just 12-years-old and walking into the theatre with my uncle about to watch Episode 2. So, we get in, start watching the film, and honest to God, my uncle falls asleep and starts snoring. That’s how bad this movie is. The only thing that would be more hilarious would be falling asleep during Inception. Well, that’s not so much funny as it is ironic. But still. That’s how bad these two films are.
I have to say though, I don’t mind Episode 3. That one, as far as I’m concerned, can remain not a dream. It’s not perfect by any stretch, but it’s not a bad film. It doesn’t have any lines such as “Oh hi, Mark.” I don’t know what’s worse… watching The Room once or seeing Episodes 1 and 2 in 3D. Because they’re just so, ugh.
I’ve been a Star Wars fan since I first saw the original trilogy. I grew up watching those films, quoting the series, playing the games, and just overall, knowing stuff about Star Wars. And there are good Star Wars elements besides just the original trilogy. There are hundreds of games and books that expand the series beyond Return of the Jedi and before Episode 1. And some that go in-between.
I just hope, like me, everyone who reads this will put Episodes 1 and 2 as not being existent. If they are dreams, then everyone wins. And really, there is no evidence to support otherwise, so it’s completely plausible.
May the force be with us all.
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