The Facebook Game I’ll hate you for playing
Farmville. What does it mean? What does it do? What is it? And most importantly, why does it annoy me so fucking much?
I’m sure anyone with a Facebook account and a few friends knows what I’m talking about. You know, that game some of your friends play and post retarded updates that show up on your news feed about how they “need three more logs to build a cabin” or “just found an ugly duckling on their farm.” I mean really? Really? For what possible reason would you even want to work on a farm anyway?
For the record, I hate rural areas. I really do. I like cities such as Montreal and Toronto and not farms off in the middle of nowhere. I dislike farm animals such as cows and goats and I really couldn’t care less about the country, country folk, small towns, or really boring places such as that. If you have to commute to go to work, then I don’t like where you live.
You can already imagine why I dislike Farmville. You manage a farm. You grow crops, sell crops and work on a farm. The same stupid clip of music plays throughout the entire game, and sadly, too many of my friends have been playing this stupid excuse for a game. If you want to work on a farm, get out of my city and run off to somewhere far, far away…
Hell, even Luke Skywalker hated helping with the harvest. He’d much rather have joined the academy or something and take off into space in epic battles and skirmishes. In Farmville, it’s boring. I mean like really boring… it’s the same premise as a game like Sim City or The Sims, but at least with those games you got something more fun, such as the following:
In Sim City, it was all about managing a city. You were the mayor, and even God. You decided where roads went, you built up tall skyscrapers, residential areas, added arenas, and then when you build it all up, you could throw in disasters. You could make a giant Godzilla-like monster come and destroy your city, have a massive earthquake, have a nuclear meltdown and even have aliens come down and attack your city.
In The Sims, a game my sister is totally addicted to, you control people. And if you’re a complete and utter social outcast like myself, you do things you would otherwise not be able to do, such as have like 40 friends, become a criminal mastermind, throw house parties and most importantly, have fun. If you’re reading this the day of its publication, I’m currently getting my wisdom teeth taken the fuck out of my mouth, and with my luck, my tongue will be damaged in the operation.
But wait, if my tongue is damaged, then I could get a new tongue, right? Perhaps even the tongue of some really super hot lesbian stripper? Or Courtney Ford… meow. Now those are some tongues I’d totally want in my mouth. But with my luck, I’d end up with a tongue like this… all because of my wisdom teeth:
So I’d get a 12 inch tongue, but not a 9-inch penis? Would girls still be down for that? Anyway, we’re getting way off topic, back to Farmville and its horribleness… ugh…
Farmville is just horrible on so many levels. Its cheap graphics, horrible sound and concept make it completely and utterly boring. This is the kind of shit I expect from Nintendo and their Harvest Moon series, but sadly, apparently, some people like farming.
What ever happened to the good old days of Roller Coaster Tycoon? Now that was a game I could enjoy. I’d rather build a rollercoaster than build a fucking barn. I mean really… a fucking barn. Why? For what reason? How is building a barn exciting?! It’s not. It really, really isn’t.
Farmville is so bad, even South Park made fun of it! Normally only select people and things get to be made fun of on South Park, such as Tom Cruise, Jennifer Lopez, Asian men and their small dicks, Kanye West (he likes fishsticks), The Prophet Muhammad, Al Gore (I’m super cereal, guys manbearbig is real!), Canada, Guitar Hero, World of WarCraft, and… hey wait a minute…
So South Park made fun of Guitar Hero and World of Warcraft, two very popular, highly well-known video games, but they also made fun of fucking Farmville!?!? O_o
How is Farmville equal to Guitar Hero and World of Warcraft? It’s not! In fact, they’re not even in the same realm of game. One is just a stupid flash game you can play for free and the other two require you to buy some guitar made out of plastic or pay some outrageous subscription fee! WHAT THE FUCK?!
You know what… I’m done. To anyone who actually plays Farmville, I’ve tried to play it. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, but all I got was a game covered in bullshit… that’s what you get for populating your farm with bulls… you get a lot of shit and that’s just what this game is: complete and utter shit. This is probably one of the worst flash games I’ve ever played… in my life. It’s just that fucking bad.
-10/10
NEGATIVE 10!!!!! This game deserves to die. To anyone who plays this game, you’re wasting your life. At least play Roller Coaster Tycoon, Sim City, or something. Hell, try to become a Youtube sensation or something. But do not play this game Ever. You have been warned.
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