Part 2: The Be All and End all of 2010 Hockey Playoff Survival
So we made it, after 82 games we finally are playing the real season. The last 6 months were a mere formality to watch what is dubbed the “real season”. It’s 2 more months of beer, yelling at TVs and the occasional riot. Can’t say much for the Vancouver Canucks as they have a beer curfew because of one too many celebrations during the Olympics.
Then again, it’s going to take more than beer to watch Vancouver Canucks hockey.
While I’m writing this, the Ottawa Senators are taking a run against the Pittsburgh Penguins, the defending Stanley Cup Champions. This could be the most open run for Lord Stanley’s Cup because there really is no solid favorite. I sense a lot of surprises and upsets.
Montreal is looking forward to tomorrow’s showdown at the Verizon Centre in Washington, it may look like it could be Washington’s series to take but it’s the playoffs: anything can happen. Even the fact that Montreal has a solid power play(#2 in the league), steady goaltending and yes, seems Ovechkin hurt his own goaltender in a practice earlier today. Note to Montreal: aim at Theodore’s right knee.
The playoffs are an experience to avid fans and newcomers. The vibe of competition makes it seem like each game is an epic battle to the death, but with beer and expensive jerseys. From the experience I had with the Olympics, each game down to each minute is crucial and intense (this is where the beer comes in handy).
Here is a guide to the ins and outs of playoff survival, what could happen in the series and in the scene:
1) Be at the bar exactly an hour or more before the game, bars will be packed during the series, you snooze you lose. Make sure you have a friend to secure a spot, beer will be their reward (as well as yours too)
2)Live stream will become your friend, nothing better than drinking alone and yelling at a laptop. Total geekdom here.
3)To this day, I still don’t understand Vancouver Canucks hockey. I simply don’t get it.
4)Despite the many changes the San Jose Sharks have made in trades and lineups, they won’t make it past the 2nd round. They’re true choke artists and Joe Thornton is was we call a renaissance man.
5)Say goodbye to clean cut players. Playoff beards are sexy, sucker for full beards. The fuller the better, the older the player the more salt and pepper it looks. Look for the likes of Bill Guerin of the Penguins and anyone on Detroit. The Sedin twins trim theirs, that’s cheating.
6)Sidney Crosby: you have won the Stanley Cup and Olympic gold. You have the option of either growing a proper playoff beard or not growing one at all. I know 22 year olds who have more facial hair than your sleaze ‘stache. You have a legacy going here, do the right thing.
7)Keep the Kostistyns away from the strip bars for a bit. Well, just Sergei.
8)Keep Carey Price out of trouble, between him and Halak he has more playoff experience. He could be the turning point of the series if necessary.
9)Make sure the friends you’re watching with are not going to douche out on you, make sure that nothing else conflicts with game night. There are no other plans, just game. Nothing else, no douchebaggery or bailing out during the playoffs.
10)Since the Phoenix Coyotes are in the playoffs, does it count as cheering for the Winnipeg Jets. One more Canadian team to cheer for!
11)There will be a diet of chicken wings and nachos for a while, it is recommended to do at least a bike ride or walk to the bar before sitting down for the next 2 months.
12) Thinking that Phoenix might be the darlings of these playoffs, maybe the closest Winnipeg has ever been to the Cup.
13)It’s going to take more than a lucky tie and a gold medal for Detroit to get back in there, normally they’re the tops of the playoffs but almost didn’t make it. They can steal a series no matter what, what for them too.
14)Evgeni Malkin soundbites are awesome, 4 seasons in the league and still can’t speak a lick of clear English. Also, look for cameos by his parents in Pittsburgh (awesomest hockey parents ever).
15)We only have one Staal in the playoffs and it’s the one who didn’t go to the Olympics.
16)Hate anyone who’s on the hockey bandwagon: if you own a flag on your car then I know you’re a faux fan. It’s what the guys in Toronto do and well, if you ever dealt with a Toronto fan then you understand. Just because you decide to follow today doesn’t mean you are a fan. I had to watch seasons of hockey where we had the likes of Zubrus, Malakhov, Samsamnov sucking and still the questionable reason why we got Georges Laraque. If you understand hockey sorrow then you are a real fan.
17)If you’re going to riot, just not in the 1st round. Really not cool, it’s kind of embarassing to riot early on, save it for June.
18)Prediction for the final: Pittsburgh VS Chicago: two young teams, strong scoring, power hitters. I’ll give it to Pittsburgh cause Fleury in nets is a lot stronger than Huet (the weakest link). Also, I really want to see Marian Hossa lose it for the third straight year.
19)Ovechkin won’t go far in the playoffs, yes he’s talented and tough and the team finished first in the league but two things: the #1 team never wins it all and the second thing is Ovechkin is not a team player, it’s his style (him all the time). Watch him fall apart while Crosby gets another chance at hardware. He’s got quite a collection so far.
20)No matter what, win or lose, Canadian team or team being saved by the NHL, mispronouncing Russian names and looking for teeth, watching hard attack hockey cause Roberto Luongo scares the crap out of me (remember the Olympics) and seeing if anyone can do a Gordie Howe hat trick (a goal, an assist and a fight), no matter what: there will always be beer.
Enjoy the playoffs. Will be at the bar tomorrow. Special thanks to the guys at The Concordian, the be all and end all tradition continues.
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