Remember January 1st 2000? Or December 21st 2012? Those were supposed to be the End Of Days, the Apocalypse. I am no Nostradamus but I have a prediction, a new arbitrary date for the end of the world. November 8, 2016. Civilization as we know it will crumble, only the rich and slithering will survive.

When Chris Wallace (from Fox News), the moderator of the United States Presidental debate last night, said “I am not a potted plant here!” it resonated with me. I feel that way too! I am screaming for it to stop and nobody listens.

Sometimes all of the propaganda really gets to be overwhelming, I feel like my voice is lost in the chaos. Sitting there in a window, someone forgot to water me, and I am not a cactus. I am a dried up succulent, an ancient aloe vera maybe, spiky and sincere.

My tendrils need attention, they are covered in dust. If nourished my insides can heal, my ideas can save the world, a natural combatant of inflammation, squeeze me out on to your wounds, I will kiss them and make it all better. Houseplants bring oxygen and warmth to a room. We need it as the earth is dying because of humanity’s overall greed and lack of conscience.


If politics doesn’t kill it I believe this world will end with Terminators Vs Zombies. It is a movie that hasn’t been made yet, but is totally plausible. The rise of machines is taking away jobs (more than immigrants as Donster has complained about).

People are also becoming zombies to technology. It is scary when I am sitting on my laptop in front of the desktop and texting on my cellphone at the same instant. Or a table full of children at the dinner table sit mouth open staring onto their glowing devices instead of having conversations with their family. It is all so in your face, fast and present. technology is bizarre and is turning people into literal zombies.

Now we also have the clowns to deal with. Clowns are taking over the US. Creepy clowns yielding weapons are trying to lure kids into the woods. GREAT!

There are so many things to be terrified of this Halloween season. I am terrified that people are supporting Donald Trump. Currently I am watching shit spew from his stupid, racist, misogynist mouth. It makes me sick when his supporters speak out. I go to the Halloween store and see their faces in mask form. Its absolutely bizarre.

Amy Schumer called Hilary Clinton “Hilldog” when she performed at her birthday dinner. I was a big Bernie Sanders supporter at the time, and not as Gloria Stienam would say “for the boys.” I actually thought he had a good heart, he cared about people and the environment, he was not evil. The current candidates are a “lesser of two evils” scenario.

Falling asleep at the wheel of life, swerving the car and trying to blast the music and open the window of cool air to the face. This government should crash and burn. I am afraid because these are the same idiots that elected George W Bush TWICE!

The people who run the government are the ones you don’t see. All of the candidates and winners are mere puppets. The strings are being pulled by an omniscient secret society, perhaps the Illiminati? But I don’t want to seem crazy. Billionares giving money to these politicians expect something in return, much like a guy buying me a drink and expecting more. I don’t accept drinks for that very reason.

Photo of Egbert Bickley by John Hickey from the Buffalo News

In a world where some women are not even attractive enough to grope, let alone vote, Trump constantly belittles women, venomously wanting to take away our rights. I am disgusted when I see his supporters, there is a man in South Buffalo, my neighbor, that has his house painted with signs that say Trump Mafia and has a noose hanging on the front lawn. Strange fruit indeed. WTF?

Trying to deal with my own problems and I am bombarded with so much else. I can’t even clean my room, can’t pick up my phone because it’s all bill collectors. I think about all the loves I have lost or never got the chance to love, I contemplate loneliness and the survival of society. Then there are places where they push gays off buildings and kill women.

“If you don’t like what I did you should have changed the laws,” you should have stopped me from being an asshole Trump says, admitting to wrong doing and saying it was HER fault for not stopping him? WHAT?! Blame women. She is rehearsed and he is crude. I want a Native American President. Imagine going back to nature. If I can’t have that, I really want anarchy!

I work at a hostel and was watching the debate with people from around the world. I wanted to hear their perspectives at the idiocracy in front of us.

bubbles and catsSometimes you just need to come home to your house full of cats and beautiful creative roommates and smoke a bowl and drink a tall boy. Purry furry love nuggets – unconditionally waiting, ready to cuddle.

I have always done better with animals than people even. It goes animals, then kids, then old people, then adults, then my peers (I will never see myself as an adult).

wandering plantMy cats are my world. We watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch. A story of the triumph of love and search for self worth in an imperfect world. Punk rock opera perfection, escape from the vicious reality.

Like all humans I have hopes and dreams, I hope the world doesn’t really end on November 8th and I dream of a future filled with constant change.

I yearn to travel, I want to go to Poland and see the blue light up fairy bike path. I want to backpack through Germany. I want to paint in Paris. I want to smoke in Amsterdamn. I want to lounge in Jamaica. I want to paint with Elephants in Thailand. I want to kiss the Blarney Stone. First I need a passport.

If you want to be a painter, paint, if you want to be a musician, make music. If you want to be a politician, be an asshole, be a puppet, be a phoney.

I vote for the houseplants, for the trees and the animals. I vote for the children, for the future. I vote for the good clowns. Since the Apocolypse is Meow there is no time but the present.


So you like to grab women by the pussy eh? Well isn’t that just lovely. Why don’t you try asking nicely? Only if the beautiful owner of said pussy gives you consent you can caress it, love it, worship it, get down on your knees and pray to it with your tongue, put your whole being into make it purrrr. If you give a pussy ample notice and respect it will not fight you but it will welcome your tenderness.

mypussyTouch it, slowly, then quickly, then rub, tug, lick, motorboat, butterfly kiss and repeat until a gentle gushing stream showers you from between her spread eagle vulnerability. Never ever just GRAB someone, let alone grab them forcefully in their most sensitive zone.

We live in a culture where rape seems to be glorified and not extinguished. Rapists suffer no consequence and sex offenders have a voice. Pussy grabbers are not in the shadows, but on the big screen, running for president, flapping their ignorance to the masses.

My pussy will bite your fingers right off! Vagina dentata is a toothed vagina. There are folkloric legends that talk about a woman’s sweet zone that is full of sharp, finger/appendage eating teeth. Sexual intercourse with said vagina will result in severe injury, or castration for the man involved.

The tale shows up in many cultures and is meant to deter rape culture. Huh, maybe we should teach this in sex ed? Do we need to tell boys that all vaginas have retractable teeth that come out when violated? Will that finally stop rape?

Fear of castration will cause a man to think about his choices. That pussy will gnaw your fat fingers and stupid little one eyed chode right off if you don’t look out sonny. You will never see the teeth if you do not provoke them. I have to go to a dentist and a gynecologist to keep my pussy healthy.

In order to make a woman ready and safe for intercourse the hero must literally pull teeth. She must be nonthreatening, safe for insertion, safe for to receive the man.

Freud says that young men experience an unconscious fear of castration upon seeing female genitalia. Some of the most vicious stories of toothed vaginas come from India, in which the ferocious sexual appetites of lovely young women must be tamed through the violent breaking of the teeth hidden inside of their lady parts.

ovarian-dermoid-cystOne explanation is a rare medical condition affecting the vagina. More than likely a vaginal dermoid cyst, which can be very toothlike and sharp.

The movie Teeth was an incredible tale of a girl with vagina dentata. She bit off an attempted rapists genitals with her vagina and it was a beautiful sentiment.

Women should not have to have killer pussies to ward off criminals. We should not have to wear chastity belts to take away temptation. We do not exist for your pleasure. We do not exist to be disrespected and violated at any time.

Strong women with power over their bodies is not emasculating, it is empowering for all bodies, all humans are in charge of their bodies.

tentaclefingersFor real though. I just want to say one thing, if you are going to stick your fingers inside of someone please, PLEASE, cut yo damn nails! There is nothing more uncomfortable and non-sexy about getting fingered by someone with janky long nails.

I have been severely damaged by people with no common sense and funky sharp nails. Ouch! The memory makes my lips cringe.

If I had vagina dentata my vag would still not want to bite your nails for you, trim them, clean them, file them, ask yourself, are these fingers good enough to worship and pleasure a goddess with?

You notice, proper lesbians never have long nails, always groomed, short, filed, awee yea. It’s always the stupid cocky men who don’t think to trim their fingertips before going for the pink loveliness.

Another thing that really pisses me off is when they just try to stick the whole hand up there right away. Like WHOA BUDDY! Simmer down there, cowboy. Again, nice and easy, one thing at a time.

There is nothing sexy or pleasurable about being dry fisted. Things can tear. What are you thinking? I’m not looking to do some strange reverse birth right now. How would you like it if I shoved my hand up your butt like that?

Lessons learned today: Consent is everything, keep your hands to yourself or your fingers will be bit off, respect all humans, and for the love of goddess CUT YOUR NAILS before recklessly shoving them in.


“My bitch found a porn that I made with some other bitch back in the day. It was crazy, we were doing some award winning cartwheel 69 shit. She watched the whole damn thing and it ruined our relationship,” very loudly says one douche bro to another passing by in a dark parking lot where my friend and I were covertly smoking weed.

“Maybe you should have tried some cartwheel 69 shit with her!” I said to him, startling them a little. What even is cartwheel69? A great AIM screen name, I think.

Urban dictionary states that standing cartwheel 69 is “A sexual move often performed by gymnasts or dancers. It involves both partners in the Standing 69 position usually with the lighter partner backwards. The standing partner proceeds with cartwheels until he or she hits a wall. This often results with both partners simultaneously tightening their jaws on the recieving partners genitals, which ultimately leads to severed genitals and/or severe cuts.”  Say what?

What kind of misogynist asshole announces this story to his bro and the world like that? When he called her “his bitch” he pissed me off immediately. No woman should ever be described in such a demeaning way, and then the rest of the tale blew my mind. With his charming and respectful view of women I am sure the nails were already in the coffin of that relationship.

I do think that finding someone’s old homemade porn is not something that you should hold against someone. I am not defending this asshole by any means. He created this movie before the new girl was in the picture and while yes, he sucks for so many reasons, this is a grey area. She should not have been snooping through his computer, but genius boy obviously left it somewhere on his desktop labeled something reallllly discreet, waiting to be unearthed by an unsuspecting new lady.

I would have been turned on to see my beau going at it with a past lover. I would have picked on him hard. It seems like a case of jealousy, he wasn’t satisfying this poor girl and then she sees a video of him satisfying some other woman and she freaks out and leaves him.

This is why I have never made any scenes with former lovers. I have had multiple ask but never felt confident in knowing that the relationship would last forever and he would be the only person to ever see it. People don’t delete that kind of stuff.

Image via Creative Commons
Image via Creative Commons

This was obviously a rare shining moment in this guy’s sexual career. If I am making a porn I am getting paid for it. You know damn well that the guy will save it as a trophy forever and jerk off to it.

There is a whole genre of porn called revenge porn, men post old sex videos of themselves with ex girlfriends. These unsuspecting girls are then slut shamed on the internet, they signed no waiver, they receive no payment, some of these girls may never even see this video. Then boom, that hot cartwheel69 shit they did once after a college frat party is all over the internet.

It is truly fucked up that anyone would betray someone’s privacy like that. Create all sex tapes like they are going on the internet for mass consumption.

If you are not ashamed or feel like becoming a pornstar be my guest. Everything is different when it is with CONSENTING adults. Nothing else is remotely acceptable.

Finding someone else’s porn is interesting. It is a deep, dark fantasy revealed.

I was recently at an estate sale and in the attic came across an entire box of amazing vintage leather fetish gay porn and a leather/chain harness. I of course wanted the whole lot. When I brought it down everyone seemed so shocked that this box of gold even existed.

Being an estate sale it was the house of a man who had recently passed away, he was married and seemingly straight. His family had no idea about his kink and sexuality. I saw the look of disgust and terror in his son’s eyes as the lady from the sale gave me a price.

Did I out this man postmortem? He kept a secret his whole life and I just yanked it out of the attic.

It is so sad that he lived in a time where he didn’t feel safe showing his true self. He subscribed to marriage and the appropriate social standards. I wish I could make a time machine and pull this man out of his marriage and drop him off at the Folsom fair, let him wear his leather cock holster with chains and an O ring on the chest, walk around with others just like him. There is no deviance here, sexual freedom is beautiful.

I remember the first time I ever found porn as a child. It was a Hustler and there was penetration. It changed my life. Then there was my best friend’s dad’s shitty VHS 80’s bush porn. It was our first taste of the sex that would start being thrown at us via advertising and culture in high doses. You can’t get innocence back. Once you see it you cannot unsee it.

Porn is private, what people do and enjoy is their business. Never ever be ashamed of your porn collection (unless it is with non-consenting adult or a defenseless child, then you are a fucking monster who deserves to be shot).

Celebrate your fetish, love what and who you love proudly. If you make a porn with someone under the terms that it is just a sexy record for the two of you never dare show it to another person.

It is a violation, it is betrayal, just don’t do it! Keep your award winning cartwheel69 action to yourself, the satisfaction of knowing it exists should be enough. Bragging means you are overcompensating and there is nothing impressive or sexy about that.

* Featured Image by IsabelleTheDreamer via Flickr Creative Commons


At 6:30 pm on December 9th, 2014, Jeff Weber saw a black man having his after dinner cigarette outside. Weber then walked to a store, bought a hammer, a knife, and a calendar and walked back to where the man was smoking. He then attacked the man, fifty-five year old Nabute Ghebrehiwet, by repeatedly hitting him on the head with a hammer. One blow struck Ghebrehiwet in the eye, leaving him partially blind.

Weber was charged with aggravated assault and possession of a dangerous weapon. His attorney used the defense of Not Criminally Responsible (NCR) – Canada’s insanity plea, because his client has treatment-resistant paranoid schizophrenia and is well-known to authorities. Since 2005, Weber has been charged with over twenty five offenses ranging from assaults, to threats, to attempted abductions.

On September 29th, 2016, Jeff Weber was found Not Criminally Responsible for his crime. This is the fourth time he’s successfully avoided criminal liability via this defense.

The insanity defense is a popular subject in books, film, and television. The plots always follow the same formula: someone gets murdered, they find the killer, and the defense attorney claims his client was crazy and didn’t know what they were doing.

Sometimes the person is convicted and goes to jail only for the attorney to find out that the person was insane all along. Sometimes the insanity plea works and the person goes free, only for someone to secretly find out the accused was sane and faking.

Despite what pop culture would have us believe, in Canada a successful use of the NCR defense does not mean the accused will go free.

The rules regarding an NCR defense are written into the Canadian Criminal Code.

They start with the premise that anyone who commits a crime while suffering from a mental illness that renders them incapable of knowing that what they did was wrong is not considered criminally responsible for their actions.

The second rule is that everyone is presumed sane enough to be held accountable for their crimes.

The third rule is regarding the burden of proof.

In ordinary criminal cases, the burden of proof is on the State, represented by the prosecution, who has to prove the accused’s guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. To get an acquittal, all the defense has to do is raise a reasonable doubt as to their client’s guilt.

When an insanity plea is raised, the burden of proof shifts onto the defense, which has to prove by a balance of probabilities – a standard lighter than proving something beyond a reasonable doubt – that the accused was not only suffering from a mental illness or disorder, but also that this disorder made the person incapable of telling right from wrong. The accused does not have to be incapable of telling right from wrong all the time for an NCR defense to work; they only have to prove that they were not criminally responsible at the time they committed the crime.

The way to prove that an accused is not criminally responsible is via psychiatric assessment. The defense will usually have the accused assessed by one or more mental health experts.

The court can order its own assessment of the accused at any time during criminal proceedings. The prosecution can also apply to have the accused assessed, but the court can only grant this request if the accused brings up his mental capacity for criminal intent during the trial, or if the State convinces the court that there are reasonable grounds to doubt that the accused was criminally responsible at the time of the offense.

If the court is convinced the accused committed the crime but their mental illness kept them from being aware of their actions or the fact that they were wrong, the court will issue a verdict saying that the defendant committed the crime but is not criminally responsible on account of a mental disorder.

This verdict is not a conviction and it is not an acquittal, but something in between.

All defendants found Not Criminally Responsible have to go through the Review Boards of their respective provinces. The job of the Review Boards is to review the status of all people found Not Criminally Responsible or mentally unfit to stand trial.

At least one of the Board’s five or more members has to be licensed to practice psychiatry, and where the board has only one psychiatrist, there also has to be at least one other member who is a medical doctor or psychologist with training and experience in mental health. In order to determine what should happen to a defendant found not criminally responsible, the Review Board holds a disposition hearing.

The hearing determines what should happen to an NCR person, which can include an absolute discharge – meaning they are completely free to go, a release with conditions such as taking their medication and seeing a psychiatrist, or being held in a hospital. The sentence depends on how much of a danger the person is to the public.

The Review Board system is far from perfect, for it is their failings that put Jeff Weber back on the street to blind an innocent man. It is nonetheless better than countries like the US, where the mentally ill are often killed by police, incarcerated, or shipped off to another state. Unlike many countries, Canadian laws regarding the mentally ill are designed with the intent to balance public safety with getting people the care they need so that they can live fulfilling, independent lives.

* Featured Image: Court sketch of Jeff Weber


After years of pleading, debating and waiting, the Quebec Ministry of Health officially released the funds to open three supervised injection sites (SIS), as well as one mobile unit in Montreal. Two such sites are already in function in Vancouver, but it will be a first for Quebec.

Quebec will release $12 million over three years to three community centres in Montreal: Spectre de rue, CACTUS and Dopamine. One part of the money will help the centres prepare the locations and fulfill all the requirements to be granted an exemption from the law on drugs by the federal government.

The other part will be used for the launching and running of the sites’ operations. One mobile unit will also be providing services in a few boroughs. No official date is set for the opening of the facilities, but Le Devoir mentioned that it could be as soon as March 2017.

The project is far from new. In fact, six years have already passed since the Director of Public Health started pushing for the opening of SIS in Montreal. In June 2015, Mayor Coderre had announced his plan to go forward with the facilities, with or without Ottawa’s approval.

At the time, the provincial government decided to lend a hand. According to Lucie Charlebois, Quebec’s Minister of Health and Healthy Living, “we are now at the final step” of the process.

She told Radio-Canada that the work on installations and the hiring of medical staff was already on track. “That means we’re advancing quickly.” She commented that she discussed the matter with her federal counterpart, Jane Philpott: “she is very receptive towards it, but we have to fit certain criteria, that is clear.” Charlebois stated that she believes that getting the federal approval will be a formality.

Sandhia Vadlamudy, the director of CACTUS, told FTB by phone that this formality requires a lot of paperwork, but no problematic modifications.

Last year, CACTUS distributed 610 000 clean syringes in an effort to prevent transmission of infection, which is around 65% of distributed materials on the island, including those distributed in CLSCs and drugstores. With their supervised injection site finally going forward, they will be able to “add one more tool to prevent infections and overdoses.”

Some have argued that the government would do better to focus on treating drug addiction or even on cracking down on drug crime instead of improving the conditions of drug use. Vadlamudy doesn’t think that promoting abstinence and prohibition is sufficient.

“This approach is more based on pragmatism; which is to say drugs exist and people take them.”

She argued that SIS are beneficial for more than just drug users, highlighting that, within four years of operation,  SIS start saving money for the healthcare system by preventing overdoses and health deterioration in users.

It will also help reduce the number of intoxicated people and of used needles left on the streets “and thus improve the quality of life of everyone in the community.”

Slowly breaking the taboo

According to the Director of Public Health, there are 4000 regular users of injectable drugs in Montreal. People who use injectable drugs are 59 times more like to be infected with HIV. An average of 70 people die of drug overdoses every year in Montreal.

In the eyes of many, SIS remain a marginal, controversial option for desperate cases, when they are not a silly progressive scheme. But their growing popularity around the world and the expanding stack of evidence in their favour are now hard to ignore.

The first North American facility, Insite, opened in Vancouver 13 years ago.  In 2008, federal health minister Tony Clement called it “a failure of public policy, indeed of ethical judgment.” Just last spring, Toronto’s Police Association expressed firm opposition to the idea of opening SIS in their city.

“Insite is not a model we want to see replicated,” association president Mike McCormack said, fearing that SIS would attract crime and loitering and thinks that government money would be better spent on treatment options.

Insite handles 600 injections daily. Not one person has died of an overdose within its walls. According to the B.C. Centre for Excellence in HIV/AIDS, there was a 35% decrease in overdose deaths in the area of forty blocks around the site. BC’s HIV and Hepatitis C infection rate went from the highest of the country to one of the lowest. More than thirty peer-reviewed papers were published about Insite’s beneficial impact.

Supervised rooms for drug consumption started popping up as a response to AIDS epidemics and the spike in overdoses in the eighties and nineties. There are now about 90 of them around the world.

The European Monitoring Centre for Drugs and Drug Addiction recently published a study in which they found overall that those sites increased safe and hygienic drug use and reduced risky behaviours. They also found that, contrary to Toronto’s Police Association’s concerns, there was no evidence that those sites increased drug related crime and violence in their vicinity.

*Featured image by Todd Huffman, WikiMedia Commons


I was sitting in the local dive bar with a beautiful female friend of mine who happens to be transgender. As we were sitting there discussing lipstick shades, makeovers, and other various girlie things the conversation took a drastic change when I heard an employee of the bar say “No men in the women’s bathroom.”

Instantly we both perked up to make sure some horrible injustice wasn’t happening. We were about to jump into action like wonder women to make sure that another trans woman wasn’t being discriminated against. It is monumentally important to have each other’s back. I stand in solidarity with my trans brothers and sisters.

Thankfully the bouncer was escorting out an obviously cis gender male identifying bearded man from the ladies room, who was most likely accompanying his lady to do some drugs or something of that nature. Ok, he had no business being in there, crisis averted. This time…

This opened up a greater conversation of what transgender people have to go through on a day to day basis. She is a woman using the restroom and has to deal with people constantly questioning her, “Why do I hear a man’s voice in the women’s room?” Wait until you see the person who spoke to make that judgement.


All women are real! There is no cookie cutter for a what a woman should look or sound like, we are all different and beautiful. Don’t be ashamed of your broad shoulders or the fact that you tower over other girls when you wear heels. You are perfect, a real woman in a very imperfect world that doesn’t know how to handle you. I am proud of my trans brothers and sisters, standing up for their sanity and being their true selves regardless of what society thinks.

Bathrooms are just the tip of the iceberg for issues that the trans community has to deal with. Perhaps one of the worst feelings in the world, yes, as horrific as being a female born into the wrong body, is being fetishized.

So many of my friends blur and defy gender barriers, they are warriors, the strong few who know what they need to do to become whole and satisfied. It is a long journey, with enough roadblocks that the douchbaggery and objectification is beyond unnecessary.

There is nothing worse than being treated like a “thing” rather than a fucking human being. The definition of fetish is an inanimate object that is worshipped, a sexual fetish is a form of desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. Fixation, obsession, compulsion, and mania are synonyms.

Anything can be a fetish. Some common fetishes involve leather clothing, parts of the body such as feet, body modifications, food consumption, costumes, and what I am talking about today: body types.

Similar parallels exist between fat women and trans women, we have more in common than our trouble with shopping for clothes that fit and don’t look frumpy. Try finding a sexy shoe bigger than a women’s size 10, I dare you.

I am in no way saying our experiences are the same, I will never know what it is like to be transgender, or how difficult of an experience that is. What I do know is how it feels to be treated like an object and not a human being.

While many times both trans women and obese women are treated as non-sexual due to our stray from body image normativity, there is also a group of people that desire us only for our “deviations” and not for who we are.

I am a big woman, I love my body and I really don’t care what people think of me. I get judged by other women and men all the time for showing off my body, “She’s too fat to be naked on stage! how gross!” I have also had men interested in me only because of my body type, they never cared about me, just the size of me.


I am more than my body. I am a fully rounded human with emotions and deserve to be recognized as such. I remember the same boys in school picking on me and then trying to kiss me when nobody was looking. Girls need to learn that it is not right for boys to be mean to them when they have a crush, it’s twisted.

A lot of times the fetishist hides their desires, keeping the object of their attraction as a deep dark secret. They maintain “normal” relationships in the hopes that their fantasies subside, and when they do not they seek some down low loving from the fetish of their choice, often leading double lives.

This is a big problem with the world we live in. People are raised to think that being attracted to a fat person or transgender person is a deviant behavior, something that they should be ashamed of and hide. It’s total bullshit. All of us want the same thing, to be loved, to feel beautiful, wanted, adored. Nobody wants to be a dirty little secret, shoved back into the closet.


Trans women are so brave. Enduring a life of struggle to be their true self. They have gotten this far, found the strength to make positive changes in order to feel comfortable in their body, and as soon as you turn them into a dirty little secret sex object you take away all of that progress.

By shoving someone back into the closet you make them feel inhuman. I’ve spent a lot of time being a dirty little secret, too.

Nobody would proudly date a fat woman. You will never find a man with a body like that! BULLSHIT. I know that I am worthwhile, I know that my large body is beautiful, so is your small body, your trans body, your medium body, your cis gendered body, your female body, your male body, your brown body, your white body, your young body, your old body, YOUR UNIQUE BODY.

Demolish unrealistic archetypes. All bodies deserve proper credit, nobody should ever be treated as subhuman for someone else’s twisted pleasure. Celebrate your uniqueness, respect yourself, you are a lovely and imperfect creature, just like everyone else.


As a woman who has shit to do I have often struggled with the fact that most of my clothing does not have pockets in it. Why a pair of pants would have faux pockets blows my damn mind. The only female clothes that have pockets are usually the smallest cut off booty shorts where the pockets are comically longer than the shorts themselves or old lady house dresses. I normally wear cute skirts and dresses with leggings underneath.


Very rarely do I find fashionable stuff with pockets, I (along with every other female out there) freak out with pure glee when I come across fashionable and practical pocketed clothing, its like finding a fucking unicorn!

Vintage dresses and stuff from Target usually have the best chance of pockets. When we do get pockets often they are not deep enough. It is all about accessibility and accessories.

Women need to buy purses to hold their stuff. We are marketed all kinds of beauty products, life essentials, hand sanitizers, mini perfumes, bags of candy, and all kinds of other random purse MacGyver action items. A man can keep all he needs in his deep pockets. A wallet and cellphone, that’s it, perhaps a tiny little beard comb if he’s fuzzy.

If I wear a fanny pack I am seen as less sexy and lame. I love fanny packs regardless of how cool they are. Putting your giant cellphone in your back pocket is asking for a swim in the toilet. Do I just start carrying my stuff in my snatch? Is it nature’s pocket?

My roommate Lucy has some thoughts on pockets: “Women don’t deserve pockets, we have to load everything into our purses,” as she digs through her purse looking for change. It’s bullshit.

I remember my tiny grandmother having a bad shoulder from carrying her XL handbag. My aunt and mother going into back room Chinatown black-market purse shops trying to undercut designer prices. Watching my mother sit in front of a big screen TV tuned to the Liquidation Channel or the Home Shopping Network, precursors to the internet shopping that my peers are obsessed with. Amazon Prime is a dangerous beast.

When I was a bartender I had to get a bottle opener necklace and wear an apron to be efficient. It is easier for a pants wearing man to carry what he needs. Thank goddess for Carabeaners, I use mine to clip to a belt or sometimes my leggings when I don’t want to carry a stupid purse.

Forever the fashion industry has been run by primarily gay men. Women are hangers, consumers, people who like accessories, told to just spend their husband’s money on mindless junk.

A lot of girls carry things in their bra. I have multiple problems with this. First of all fuck bras! They are another social construct that I do not wish to participate in.

It is embarrassing when my mother calls me out on not having a bra on. It pisses me off that she doesn’t understand that it was just an advertiser who made all women buy these undergarments.

I have had larger breasted friends tell me they need bras for comfort and back issues, I guess that is the exception, if you want to wear bras feel free, I am not judging you, just don’t judge me for not wearing one.

Second part of this is the fact that cellphones are in boobs. I do not want a phone sized titty tumor. Cellphones are evil in general, they are starting to set shit on fire, don’t want that near my boob. Also sweat water damage, I am a sweaty betty. Third problem with bra pockets is sweaty boob money. It is gross, nobody likes to be handed wet smelly money.

I want a pocket like a mother kangaroo carrying her baby Joey. I want my precious cargo to remain safe inside of me. Gender politics and the fashion industry holding back women stops me from being a fashionable female capable of functioning in the fast paced world around us. I don’t need a giant purse holding me back and weighing me down. More pockets need to be seen on the runway, women are demanding them!

Wearing functional men’s clothing is a social taboo. The material our clothes are made of is generally thinner and less long wearing than men’s lines. Besides, fake pockets there are always fake zippers and buckles too, random aesthetics that do nothing to aide in functionality.

Men’s clothing also has more logical sizing. Women’s clothing is complete bullshit, dress sizes are arbitrary and complicated, often meaning different things with different designers, you always need to check out the handy dandy size chart.

In the medieval times both men and women carried bags, but as pickpockets became more prevalent, internal pockets made more sense. Women were still left vulnerable, ready to be robbed.

How dare a woman mess with her beautiful silhouette by having stuff in her pocket bulging. Suffragettes had pockets but Hilary Clinton’s suit does not, what does that say about our society?


On September 15, 2016 Graham James, the former junior hockey coach convicted of sexually assaulting players he coached in the nineties was granted full parole after seven years in prison. His victims included retired NHL stars Theo Fleury and Sheldon Kennedy, whom James repeatedly assaulted by abusing his position as coach. Though James has admitted that he cannot change his attraction to young people, he has promised never to put himself in a position where he can hurt kids again.

The courts are doing their best to make sure he keeps his promise for the terms of his parole include no contact with anyone under the age of eighteen, no contact with the victims or their families, and he’s not allowed to work in any job or profession involving minors.

We all know that Graham James is a pedophile who probably should have remained in some form of incarceration for the rest of his life.

This article isn’t about him.

It’s about the laws protecting Canada’s young from sexual assault.

The laws against sexually assaulting minors are found in the Canadian Criminal Code and come in two forms. The first are laws themselves, the second are as circumstances in which the penalty for the crime increases if the victim is under the age of consent.

As per the Canadian Criminal Code, the age of consent is sixteen years old. Anyone under that age cannot legally consent to sexual activity.

Anyone who for a sexual purpose, touches directly or indirectly or with an object, a part of the body of someone under the age of consent is committing a crime and looking at a minimum sentence of one year in jail and a maximum of fourteen years. The same penalty applies to anyone who invites, counsels, or incites someone under sixteen to touch someone’s body part for sexual purposes. It also applies if a person touches or incites someone under under the age of sixteen to engage in sexual touching when he or she is in a position of authority and the young person is in a dependent position or where the nature of the relationship could be construed as exploitative. The only possibility of a lesser sentence is if the offender gets a summary conviction, which is considered less serious and reduces the sentence to a minimum of ninety days and a maximum of two years.

The Criminal Code also protects minors from bestiality. Bestiality in the presence of someone under sixteen or inciting someone under sixteen to commit bestiality is punishable by a maximum sentence of fourteen years and a minimum one year in jail. Once again, there is the possibility of being tried on summary conviction in which case the person will face a minimum ninety days or a maximum of two years.

For exposing oneself to a minor the penalties are a lot lighter. Exposing oneself consists of flashing your genitals to someone under the age of sixteen and will get the offender up to two years in prison or a minimum ninety days in jail. If the offender is lucky enough to get a summary conviction, he or she is looking at a minimum of thirty days or a maximum of six months.

Sexual Assaults are where the age of victim will increase the sentence for the crime. If the victim is over sixteen, the maximum sentence is only ten years. If the victim is under sixteen, it’s the same fourteen years maximum and minimum one year as for other sexual offenses involving minors. If a weapon or something used as a weapon was part of the assault, the fact that the victim was under sixteen takes the penalty from a maximum of fourteen years to a life sentence.

Defenses for sex crimes against minors are limited.

Unlike adult sex crime cases, an offender cannot claim the victim consented to the activity if the victim is less than sixteen years old. There is an exception to this, however, in the case of accusations of touching or inciting to touch or exposing genitals for sexual purposes.

If the victim is over fourteen years old but under sixteen and the accused is less than five years older and not in a position of authority or any other exploitative relationship with the person, he or she can claim the person consented. Someone who did any of those things at the age of twelve or thirteen cannot even be accused of the crime unless the person was in a position of trust or authority towards the victim.

It is NOT a defense to argue that the accused believed the victim was sixteen or more at the time of the activity unless the accused took “reasonable steps” to find out the age of the victim. The attempt to use this as a defense comes up a lot in Men’s Rights’ Activist discourse when jerks try to get out of a rape charge by claiming that because the victim had fully developed boobs and was wearing makeup, the rapist had every right to think the activity was legal.

The laws and judicial practices when it comes to rape in Canada need an overhaul.

If you have any doubts, look at the language used in the Canadian Criminal Code. In the section on sexual assault, the victim is always referred to as a “complainant”. While in legalese, the word means a plaintiff in legal cases, to laymen the word starts with “complain”. Since language shapes the way we think, using a word like that to describe a victim creates the unconscious belief that rape victims are not victims but complainers.

No matter the age, a rape victim is just that, a VICTIM, and despite what a certain judge in Alberta would have you believe, it’s NEVER, EVER the victim’s fault.

* Featured image: Graham James released from prison


Why is Pimp not an appropriate synonym for Promote?

The official dictionary definition of the word pimp is: (noun) 1. A man who controls prostitutes and arranges clients for them , taking part of their earnings in return. synonyms procurer, procuress, madam verb informal – make something more showy or impressive, ex Pimp my ride. Urban dictionary, my preferred dictionary source for comedic non censored relief, always more accurate, says that pimp stands for:  P-erson I-nto M-arketing P-rostitutes

Lets talk about this definition for a second. First of all, I think it’s interesting that a pimp is identified as only a male dealing with female sex workers (the female pimp is called a madam, and generally keeps her girls in a house or brothel and not out on the streets), the stereotypical shady guy in a purple velvet suit with a leopard hat, full length fur coat, diamond crusted cane, bling galore, gold teeth, and flashy gold car with hydraulics.

By definition a pimp is a horrible person, using another person’s body as a commodity. Prostitution is the oldest profession, I have no problem with a man or woman selling their body, as long as they receive all of the profit. If they feel the need to pay a security guard or driver, that’s their business. Pimping is different.

Pimps are abusive and aggressive, an integral part to illegal sex trafficking and human bondage, often preying on people with addictions or other hardships. Media glamorizes the archetype of a pimp.

MTV’s show Pimp My Ride has brought the word into mainstream as meaning custom or flashy, an attractive man might also be called a pimp as a compliment, Jay Z’s song Big Pimpin or 50 Cent/Snoop Dogg P.I.M.P. (among many other rap songs featuring the word) are about living large and having lots of cash money.

I go both ways with this word. YES, it does represent something sexist and demeaning. Many mainstream writers use the word casually, referring to the positive slang term over the literal meaning.

I have definitely used the word pimp to describe a situation where I am promoting something. “I am going to pimp out these posters.” Going from shop to shop, talking to people, trying to sell my art. I am using them to promote my show, not sell another human’s body. Yes, similar tactics are used, but pimping is specific to sex trafficking. It is used as a slang term to tout or persuade others to use your goods.

It is an insult to call someone a pimp by my standards as per the dictionary definition of the word. Others may think differently, using the word only to describe how much money or flashy goods a person has.

Pimp is a slang term used to describe someone who is slick, smooth talking, fashionable, and stylish. It can also mean to excessively customize a thing such as a car. So again, it depends who is saying it and what their intention is.

To promote is to raise someone or something up to a more important job. It is positive. To pimp is to degrade sex workers, who are human beings and not property. So therefore they are not the same thing.

It is offensive to pimp out a human, but not a thing. Freedom of speech says that you can say whatever you want and whatever I say will not change that.


The law is full of technical language that scares many of us out of learning everything about it. However, true to the old adage that knowledge is power, knowing a little about the law can save you a lot of grief.

In an attempt to keep your noses out of the heavy books I had to carry during law school, below is a list of five basic legal tips that may save you one day. As I am not a lawyer, I cannot call this advice, so do with them what you will and protect yourselves.

Get everything that could be considered a contract in writing

Whether you’re buying a computer or taking out an insurance policy, get your arrangement in writing and make sure it’s signed by both you and the person or company you’re dealing with. This is extremely important, for while the law says that contracts can be verbal, written proof transforms any dispute from your word against theirs to one with tangible proof of your arrangement. If you have the means, getting the document notarized will give it extra weight.

Keep copies of EVERYTHING

CopIES not A copy, and make sure at least one of these copies is in a safe place that you and only you have access to. This doesn’t have to be a safety deposit box. You have a box of sex toys you know no one is going to go anywhere near? Put the documents in a baggy and stick them in there.

If a contract sours and you have proof of the obligations in it, the other person can be held accountable for their end of the deal in a court of law. If they agreed to pay you X and they paid you Y and you don’t have a copy of the contract, you may not get the remainder of the balance. If you have something in writing and the document suddenly disappears, the other party can deny the arrangement ever existed or that the terms were different.

Proof is the best protection, so keep copies of receipts, contracts, labels, and price tags where necessary.

Remember that ALL jobs in Quebec have to pay a wage

A lot of job seekers get phone calls from companies who saw their CV on sites like and ask them if they’d like to come for an interview. They’ll say the work is a customer service job.

What they will not tell you over the phone is that the job usually pays commission only and requires you to do door-to-door sales, making the transport costs greater than any money you’ll make because not everyone is going to buy from you. Many will feel pressured to go for the interview and accept the job because they are on unemployment or welfare and think the limitations of these programs require them to take the first job that’s offered.

No one has to take these jobs because they are illegal.

According to Quebec’s Act Respecting Labour Standards, an employee is someone who works for an employer, and all employees are legally entitled to a wage for the work they do. If you’re in a profession that allows you to earn tips, the minimum wage you are entitled to will be less, but no matter the job, the employer is legally obligated to pay you for the work, regardless of whether or not you succeed in selling the product.

If you get a call asking you if you’re looking for work, do not be afraid to sort out the wage question over the phone. Doing so will save you a lot of potentially wasted time.

Do not always believe what government employees tell you and do not be afraid to argue with them

People who phone in noise complaints will usually be told that if the noise happens between 7 am and 11 pm, it is not grounds for a complaint. People who go to the police about harassment will often be told that if it happened only once, it’s not harassment. Most people will accept this answer, apologize, and move on.

The problem is that the rules aren’t always what the people who should be enforcing them say they are.

The municipal bylaw for NDG/Cote-des-Neiges, for example, actually says that noise complaints are judged based on a question of reasonability. If, for example, your neighbor has been making cosmetic repairs his home and the construction crew hasn’t been using any sort of muffling equipment thus making ear-splitting machine noise starting at 7 am for over a month, that’s clearly unreasonable. With harassment, if you feel harassed by the behavior, it’s harassment even if it only happened once.

Before calling in a complaint or speaking to the police, check the laws online and do not be afraid to argue if they claim the behavior is legal.

If you are arrested or detained by police, ask them the reason for it and NEVER answer any questions without an attorney present

If you are detained by the police you have a legal right to know why. If they will not tell you, they are breaking the law.

During your detention NEVER answer any questions without an attorney present. Though we’d all like to think the cops are the good guys, there is always the risk they will try to make you confess to something you didn’t do, and many people will do anything to get home to bed if tired, hungry, and under stress.

Make a mental note of any negative remarks officers make about your race, gender, sexual orientation or religion. It’s a fact that racism is rampant among even Canadian police and evidence that your detention is about prejudice not crime may save you.

Knowledge of the law can save you from being cheated or deprived of your freedom. With a little training you can teach yourself to stick it to shady employers, selfish neighbors, and hold police accountable for questionable behavior.


The male birth control pill. We hear about it all the time, but it never seems any closer to becoming a reality. A recent Google News search cropped up almost a million results. Headlines like A Male Birth Control Option Promises to Be Available Within 5 YearsMale contraceptive pill ‘a step closer’ to hitting market and Birth Control for Men-It’s Loooooong Overdue flood the page.

I get it, the logic behind a male birth control pill makes sense. The contraceptive burden shouldn’t fall entirely on women, men should have a more substantial stake in family planning, the more available and accessible options, the better. Makes sense.

In a perfect world, where gender-parity means more than Trudeau’s gender-balanced cabinet — a largely symbolic move that attracted more applause than it did actually address gender inequity in Parliament — male contraception might even translate into fewer unplanned pregnancies, safer sex, you name it.

But the problem with the conversation around contraception for men is mostly frustrating: it ignores the power imbalances and patriarchal structures that make legislation and policy around women’s health so important in the first place.

Something like 99 per cent of women in the United States have used birth control methods at least once in their lives. And guess what, Canada doesn’t even record statistics on women’s contraception usage. As recently as 2013, Canadian researchers had to use American statistics to estimate trends in contraception.

Don’t let our lack of statistical analysis fool you, Canadian women are certainly still accessing contraception. Last year alone, the sexual health clinic at the Middlesex-London Health Unit provided nearly 28 000 low-cost contraceptives, including upwards of 500 doses of emergency contraception. But despite widespread usage, provincial health plans still do not fully cover birth control, because Canada remains the only country in the world with healthcare that does not cover pharmaceuticals. Most women access birth control through supplemental health insurance, provided by employers.

A recent Canadian Medical Association Journal (CMAJ) study found that most Canadian employers do not routinely cover the cost of contraception. Insurance coverage varies widely, and while some plans are comprehensive, there is no national standard for contraception coverage.

The Public Service Health Care Plan provides coverage for federal employees through Sun Life, but only covers oral contraceptives. The same plan provides up to $500 in reimbursement for erectile dysfunction drugs. Several plans omit birth control coverage altogether, including the supplemental insurance for employees of Save on Foods. For women without supplemental health coverage, especially women with precarious immigration status, the cost of unsubsidized birth control can be preventative.

The male birth control pill won’t do much to change that.

Why? Aside from the obvious legislative and policy implications, the real reason is that financial obstacles don’t just exist on the demand side of the equation. Birth control methods are expensive to research, develop, and test through clinical trials. And Big Pharma, an industry that spends over $635 million lobbying the United States Congress (which exceeds the amount spent by Wall Street and the oil and gas industry combined), hasn’t developed a new contraceptive method for women in decades.

Most of the new birth control methods available, like the IUD, were developed outside of the commercial sector and eventually bought by Big Pharma companies, who spent their money on marketing. In other words, the companies with the resources and finances to invest significant sums in women’s health prefer to sit back and wait until something pops up on the market that they can buy to expand their portfolios.

This is all to say that when healthcare in Canada finally provides some sort of comprehensive pharmacare plan, when Big Pharma starts spending more on developing better, more effective, and safer birth control options for women, when the Federal government starts to fully cover birth control, when all hospitals and schools are required to provide women and girls with access to birth control, then maybe we can start worrying about a male option.

Until then, the male birth control pill seems like just another way to put on our blinders, shirk our responsibility to ensure women have access to contraception, and, like always, turn our attention towards men.

* Featured image: YouTube


I have never been good at saying NO. I am a people pleaser, I want everyone to be happy and will do whatever I can to help that process. Sometimes you can give everything and not save any of that kindness or care for your own damn self. I have deserted myself, left my own needs and wants to die at the door step. I need to be in a committed relationship with myself, putting my wants and needs first, taking care of myself before I give it all away for free.

No is one of the first words babies can understand. Displaying that you are dissatisfied and do not like something is incredibly important. We all need to respect each others’ boundaries.

Being overtly sexual in text or whisper is something that gets under my skin. I usually have this problem with people I have already slept with who are trying to tap dat ass again. Your dick pic does not turn me on. I am not vicious, I am honest. I will never put myself in an uncomfortable situation ever again.

These gems of human dialogue were both said to me by two different people during the same night: “Baby I jerk off to the thought of your beautiful mouth around my cock.” NO! Then later “Someday the right guy will come along and everything will be ok.” FUCK NO!

If one more person tells me how dirty I am or how good of a mother I would be I will flip out. I’ve said NO to many things, I will not work in an office for something unethical, I will not eat meat, I will not get on a scale, and I will not ever be a cookie cutter female.

Even a soft no resonates, if I have to give you a HARD NO that’s bullshit, the first sign that I am not into it you back off buster. I literally had to get in this guy’s face and repeat myself for him to then eventually respectfully understand, but it shouldn’t have ever gotten to that point.

I did know and like him, I have been with him before and it was superb, I just wasn’t in the mood that particular night. I was too drunk, too tired, had to work in the morning. I should not have had to explain myself. A simple no is all you need. You cannot convince someone to change their mind. Consent is respect and anything else is rape.

When I am interested in someone I move slow. I look at their body language, and *shock* their actual language. Yes, “No” is a word. If she says she is tired, let her sleep, if his eyes are wandering I let them wander, who am I to control anyone? Just because I am horny doesn’t mean that you feel the same.

Girls Just Want to Be Safe (and Have Fun too)
Girls Just Want to Be Safe (and Have Fun too)

I have felt one sided love too many times. It sucks to hear NO and have to walk away. But, I’ve done it, and I have walked away when not wanted. There will be a moment when I confess my love and the other person says YES, but I am not banking on it, and I will not alter my life to find it.

I am not very hard to please, I will go along with most things, but as of recently I am making myself loud and clear about not doing things that I don’t want to do. I have turned down people that I once yearned for because I suddenly awoke to their true colors.

There is too much beauty to be held down or back by dumb motherfuckers who expect the world (and my pussy) handed to them on a golden platter. I am a strong and powerful creature who cannot be swayed. With this power you must help others who still feel weak. Help others when their “NO” isn’t being heard, we need to stand up for each other, check in if you see someone in distress.

I was once driving down the street and saw a girl running away and getting screamed at by a man, I stopped and asked her if she needed my help, told her she could get in the car, that I was a safe space. She said she was fine, he does this all the time, and that she was in no danger. WHAT? Clearly whatever he is trying to do to you is making you physically run away from him.

Never be that woman, never let some strange misguided love make abuse OK, ABUSE IS NOT OK! Ever! Nothing I said would get this woman in my car, nothing I could do would make her respect herself and stop the cycle. She probably has a child with him, thinks she is trapped, nobody else will love her. WRONG!

My best friend left an abusive relationship and is now married to the love of her life, a beautiful and kind man, she has a child and so did he, now they are having another to complete their family. There is always somebody else. An abuser is not a lover, if they hurt you GO, no matter how hard it feels reach out and you will have support.

Say yes to the good things in life, say yes to the people who you want to say yes to. Say yes to positive experiences and new adventures. Be happy and spread happiness and kindness to all the others you meet. We live in a world where women have to fight off sexual advances and assault on the regular.

I don’t go a day without a cat call or unsolicited yuck. Fuck that yuck. Empower yourself and others by staying strong to your convictions. Teach others to hold their heads up high and not be swayed by anything but their own hearts and minds.


These days, many women walk around playing with their phones or other devices like they’re people with lives and interests and hobbies and friends. Often they’re wearing headphones, presumably listening to Lilith Fair playlists on Spotify or podcasts about diva cups.

This means they’re not interested in being talked to by men they don’t know, and you should leave them alone.

Or does it?

Some of these women might be in serious relationships or be lesbians or maybe they’re just not looking for anything right now. Some of them could be giant bees disguised as humans and to anger them might put you in danger of being swarmed by the entire hive. In any of these cases, particularly the latter, it’s probably best to just give them a wide berth and go on your merry way.

But a lot of women wearing headphones on the bus or at the mall or while out for a jog are just waiting for you to stop them and talk to them. Why? Because the headphones they’re wearing are actually cursed relics, and they’re completely bound and under a power other than their own. They’d welcome a confident, easy-going man coming along and motioning for them to remove their headphones so that he may talk to them. And banish the malevolent spirit inhabiting those headphones back to the nightmarish hellscape from whence it came.

What To Do To Get Her Attention

  1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 metres between you). Any less than this and you risk the demon presence’s aural tendrils latching to your eyes and the tip of your penis and draining the life force from within you, leaving you a dried-out husk and it more powerful than ever before.
  2. Hold whichever blessed vestige you intend to use to quell her curse in a confident, easy-going manner.
  3. If she hasn’t already raised her unnatural gaze toward you, simply flourish the Sword of Magisterial Truth before the dead galaxies which were once her eyes, until they meet yours. Begin to chant your litany. She most likely won’t be able to hear you, but it’s just a way of showing her that you’re trying to wrestle her everlasting soul from the malediction which has plagued her lo these many years.
  4. Once you do have her attention, by proxy of the unholy horror whose grip she is ensorcelled by, continue your sacred invocation with renewed fervor. The profane demigod who is controlling her will undoubtedly assault you with a barrage of visions of your family being tortured and dismembered in ways so unimaginable and horrific that your overwhelming instinct will be to fall prostrate in supplication and surrender for eternity to the void. But do not let your confident, easy-going manner waver, this is just how many women play hard to get and test a man’s persistence.
  5. Once the terrible spirit begins to physically manifest itself, the battle is almost won. It is now time to use against it the sacrosanct items you have brought to dispel it from our dimension forever. Be mindful that some malicious deities’ corporeal forms must be pierced by a divine implement, while others can only be defeated by having their own magic turned back against them. If the latter is the case, make sure you have with you an enchanted mirror or crystal. Also, don’t forget to keep things flirty.

For example, in a shopping mall or behind a corrupted church where dark rites are frequently performed:


Woman: Jessica.


Woman: [Possibly sputtering an incomprehensible guttural language, spewing thick noxious fumes] Hi.

If it’s clear that she’s interested in battling with you for the very future of humankind, sit and chat with her for a bit before getting her phone number and rending the fabric of existence to exile her malignant spectral puppeteer.

Common Mistakes That Guys Make When Approaching Women Wearing Cursed Headphones

  1. Not knowing what kind of curse they’re up against

One of the biggest mistakes guys make when approaching a woman wearing cursed headphones is not having done his research. Knowing the difference between an ancient Sumerian curse and an ancient Phoenician one can mean the difference between saving your town or having all the liquid in your body burst through your flesh in every direction at once. This isn’t amateur hour, so if you don’t want every child born on earth for the next two hundred years to be stunted goat-goblins, read your grimoires, guys. It’s all in there.

  1. Not being confident and easy-going

You should have a confident, easy-going manner.

  1. Taking “No” for an answer

Whether it’s winning a vicious confrontation with an all-consuming eidolon or winning the heart of a beautiful young woman, the key is always persistence. If she won’t take those headphones off, keep trying. Women are attracted to unwavering, borderline-threatening determination in men, and demons fear it. So don’t allow “no” to even be part of your vocabulary. Unless, of course, you’re uttering the phrase “erok aanul no fadeem kruul” as part of your cantrip to excommunicate a powerful apparition back to N’eleth Tul, in which case obviously the ritual won’t work without it.

With all these tips, you should be well on your way to seeking out and talking to women wearing cursed headphones and breaking the curses forced upon them. Of course, not every woman wearing headphones is wearing cursed headphones, but the only way to find out for sure is to get out there, be confident and easy-going, talk to them, and see what happens when you throw the mystical astral powder into their eyes that you obtained from that high-ranking necromancer!

Photo by cinnamon_girl via Flickr

Ed’s Note: In case you don’t know and think Johnny Scott has lost it, this article is a parody of a really terrible post on another site. We don’t want to give them direct traffic, but Google “How to Talk to a Woman Who is Wearing Headphones” and you’ll find it. Also, yes, Johnny Scott did in fact lose it a few years ago, but apparently has found it again. When we find out exactly what “it” is, we’ll let you know.

me and tiff kids

How Can a Woman Feel Safe When Men are like Brock Turner?

Brock Turner you are what is wrong with this world… I remember his name but not his victim. Every woman is hurt when a man gets off easy. Just like every black person is hurt when a cop gets off clean after an unjust racist murder or every child is hurt when a child molesting priest is set free with no consequence. If you are a regular reader I apologize because I have said this all before, but it can’t be said enough, can’t be stressed too much until change happens and every woman feels safe.

I was cleaning at the hostel I work in today and a random guy staying there said “Why don’t you just get married so you can do this every day? Clean and have a man not talk to you, feed him, ect.” He was definitely joking, and he grabbed my attention and not my ass, but I was still mortified that those words came out of his mouth.

You look good cleaning girl, in the kitchen, on your hands and knees scrub a dub dub, apron on, shoes off, make babies, treat your man as a king, darlin’. There was definitely a cultural disconnect there, you don’t say shit like that, dude.

I then said to him that all I need is my cats. Cats and dildos are all a woman needs to supplement men, maybe a bag of weed and some red wine to top it off. Love, affection, something that never goes soft or gets tired, and green happiness.

This masculine aggression goes beyond humans, I see it in my own cats even. We have one female cat, Miss Lola, and she is often chased down and picked on by the larger male cats. She holds her own, but she shouldn’t have to.

I am not saying because it is engrained in their being that its ok, it is NOT OK. These men are a product of society and bad parenting, but need to rise above that to prosper, even the feline men need to check themselves.

Misogny and heteronormativity are wrong and create unhealthy situations. If you are a heterosexual man you need to respect women. If you are a human being you must respect other human beings (animals too, but that’s not what this blog is about).

Would you want someone to treat your mother or sister the way you do? Imagine if you got cat called, “Hey baby your dick looks great in those jeans!” “You gotta number baaabeee? You look even sexier if you smile. Where you going? You gotta girl? I wanna taste that.”

I enjoy being a powerful girl, I am fucked with less because of my size and overt confidence. You can’t roofie me because I am too heavy to carry.

Men can be frightening. When I am alone on a dark street I feel a blanket of fear come over me if a man approaches me. If I saw a woman I would think, what is she doing alone? She’s living her fucking life.

Sometimes you get out of work late and have to walk to a bus stop alone, that is not an invitation. She should not have to be afraid, but we have all read about the horror stories of girls walking alone at night and what that means.

me and dadGirls are raised in fear, our fathers tell us never to go places alone because they worry about what other men will do to us. My dad is the most incredible, kind, strong, compassionate man in the world. He is a shining example of a good man. There are a few left. I think that’s also why I love gay men so much, they never treat me like an object, just a human.

Last night I went to the ATM (no, not ass to mouth, you pervert) to deposit rent money with my roomie. As her and I approached the bank there was a large man out front asking for money “homeless veteran trying to get through the night,” we both politely said no but he stood out there watching from behind the glass.

In any other situation I am here to help you, sir, I serve the homeless, I love you, just DO NOT accost me in front of a bank at 1AM. Another man then entered the room (one of those ATMs that you swipe your card to gain access. Again, we were immediately on guard. We had a large amount of cash and were trying to figure our shit out, and all we can both think of is will one of these men rob us?

Fortunately not every man is a rapist and murderer. The second man who came to use the ATM asked us if we wanted him to wait for us. We were creeped out by him because thats what we have come to expect from men. We were threatened because of his appearance. He was actually being a gentleman, also concerned about the man outside.

It was a sweet sentiment, he knew what we must have been thinking. He knew that being women alone at night was scary. Like anything you cannot judge a book by its cover, or just assume that any one kind of person is always bad. Being sexist is just as evil as racism. I don’t cower and get scared every time a person of a different race walks by me at night.

Being a woman in this day and age is scary. We live in a world where rapists are not even punished for their crimes. Brock Turner raped a woman, got a slap on the wrist, and didn’t even serve the entirety of his minuscule sentence.

He is an “accomplished” white athlete, therefore girls must want to be raped by his creepy little pencil dick. Men tell me to smile and call me sweetheart on the daily, condescending, putting me in my cute lil place. Am I asking for it because I don’t run away screaming RAPE?!

debt collection

Of all the burdens one can carry, none is more anxiety-inducing than debt. Paying it off can be a Sisyphean task aggravated by the automated phone calls and nagging threats of debt collectors. People lose sleep over debt worries, while others fall into a depression, and the worst cases commit suicide. There are many ways to manage one’s debts and part of it is knowing how to manage debt collectors.

The best way to do that is to know what your rights are.

The rules regarding debt collection in Quebec are primarily in the Act Respecting the Collection of Certain Debts (the Act). Enacted in nineteen seventy-nine, it has a clear set of rules debt collectors must follow. If they don’t follow the rules, they have to pay fines ranging from three hundred to eighty thousand dollars.

Here are all the things debt collectors are not allowed to do.

The debt collector can’t make false or misleading representations to collect a debt. That means they can’t say, for example, claim that your kid won’t get health care if you don’t pay up – something that’s impossible because we have public health care.

The debt collector can’t claim that if you don’t pay the debt you’ll be arrested and go to jail. You can’t be sent to jail if you are not charged, tried, and convicted of a crime. Canada does not throw debtors into prison.

The collection agent can’t communicate with you if you’ve informed your creditor(s) in writing that you are contesting the debt. They also can’t contact you if you’ve informed them in writing that you want them to communicate with your lawyer from here on in. The exception to this is if your creditor is the Government, which can start nagging you about a debt within a hundred and twenty days following their sending of a letter demanding payment.

Your creditors and their agents can’t use threats, harassment, or intimidation. That means that they cannot threaten you with bodily harm, repeatedly follow you or your loved ones around, or repeatedly communicate with you or your loved ones in a way that will make your fear for you or your loved ones’ safety. If a creditor tries any of these methods, they’ll not only face fines under the Act, but they can also face charges of criminal harassment and threats, which could result in a prison sentence. Do not be afraid to call the police on a debt collector that acts in this way, but remember that threatening to exercise their right to collect a debt does not constitute a threat as per the law.

Collection agents can’t disclose information that might cause injury to you or your loved ones.

They cannot collect or claim more money than the value of the debt.

They are not allowed to present you with a document that could be mistaken for one used, authorised, or issued by a tribunal, government, or any agency acting on their behalf. That means that a debt collector can’t, for example, hand you a phony court order claiming that it’s the real thing when it isn’t in an attempt to pressure you to pay your debt.

The debt collector cannot claim money from anyone other than you and someone who co-signed the loan. If you took out a loan and your mother co-signed, collection agents can only go after you and your mother. They can’t go after your wife or kids if they didn’t sign on to help repay the loan should you be in default of payment.

Collection agents are not allowed to verbally communicate with a person they think might be the debtor and who has previously told them is not the right person.

They are not allowed to contact your spouse, family members, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, and employers to collect your debt. However, collection agents are allowed to contact your employer to find out your phone number and home address so they can contact you. They are not allowed to contact you or your guarantor at work without you or your guarantor’s express authorisation.

They are not allowed to contact you on Sunday and on holidays, and they can only contact you between 8 am and 8 pm.

When collection agents contact you to collect a debt, they are legally bound to identify themselves as debt collectors.

Though debt collectors can be scary, it must be said that their jobs are not easy. They are no doubt used to being loathed and hung up on, and within our current economy getting debts repaid is undoubtedly difficult.

Phone numbers can be blocked and with it being almost impossible for people to find long term employment, most people cannot afford to pay off their debts in the time creditors would like. Despite the threats of debt collectors, the worst thing that can happen to you if you don’t pay on time is your credit score will go down and/or they’ll sue you for the amount of the debt and any legal costs, making it harder to get an apartment, a car, business loan, or mortgage.

You’ll still have your freedom and health care if you need it so you can work hard and pay off your debt.

* Featured image by Sean Macentee, Creative Commons

Demasduit, one of the last Beothucks of Newfoundland.

The federal government decided to get involved in the campaign to return the remains of two members of the Beothuck Nation, currently exposed in an Edinburgh Museum, to their native Newfoundland.

Chief Mi’sel Joe, of the Conne River Mi’kmaq band, and the Newfoundland and Labrador government have been trying for years to repatriate the skulls and burial goods of two members of the extinct indigenous nation of Beothucks.  The vestiges were taken from a grave site in Newfoundland in 1828.

The National Museum of Scotland had responded that it would only consider a claim made by the federal government in association with a Canadian National Museum. So Ottawa quietly joined the fight.

On Wednesday, CBC News got hold of a letter written by Heritage Minister Mélanie Joly to the director of National Museums Scotland (the parent association of the National Museum of Scotland, which is in Edinburgh).

“As the Government of Canada is committed to reconciliation with its Indigenous peoples, I am writing to inform you that it is now involved in this matter,” said the letter. “The Government of Canada considers this matter to be of considerable importance.”

The message was sent on May 29, as a notification to the NMS that Canada intended to put in an official request to claim the Beothuck remnants. CBC just got access to it through the Access to Information Act.

Chief Mi’sel Joe, the most prominent figure of the campaign, was happy and surprised to learn that Ottawa had taken this unusual initiative, reported CBC.

The Fascinating History of Beothucks

The Beothucks were the original inhabitants of Newfoundland. They cohabited with the Mi’kmaqs, and for a while, with European settlers before being declared extinct in 1829. There is no doubt that the arrival of the Europeans played a great role in their extinction, which certain historians call a genocide.

The remains currently in Edinburgh are those of Nonosabasut and his wife Demasduit, believed to be the aunt and uncle of the last known Beothuck, a woman named Shanawdithit. Their story is quite fascinating.

In 1818, conflicts between settlers and Beothucks were frequent in Newfoundland. One night, in retaliation for the theft of their fishing equipment, the local colony sent nine armed men to storm a Beothuck camp near Exploits River. Demasduit, wife of the leader Nonosabasut, was captured. Her husband was killed while trying to protect her and her infant son died a few days after.

Demasduit was taken into the colony and lived with a priest who gave her the white name of Mary March. Some unsuccessful attempts have been made to return her to her tribe in the summer of 1819. She died of tuberculosis one year later. Her body was retrieved by her tribe and placed in a burial hut, beside her husband and child.

According to Wikipedia, there was only 31 Beothucks remaining at that time. A Scottish explorer found the bones and other vestiges about nine year later.

Why so Quiet?

A briefing note addressed to Joly (presumably also accessed through the Access to Information Act) said that getting involved in the repatriation of the remains in Scotland “would be consistent with the government’s commitment toward reconciliation with Canada’s Aboriginal people… Return of these remains, or a concerted effort to have them returned, would be a high profile demonstration of that commitment.”

This begs the question of why this high profile demonstration has been exceptionally discreet so far. It’s possible that they wanted to avoid the diplomatic complications of a highly publicized feud between Scottish Museums and the Canadian government.

“The department is still assembling all of the elements required by the trustees of the museum in Edinburgh, in order to ensure the case is complete and as strong as possible,” said Pierre-Olivier Herbert, spokesperson for the department of Heritage.

Other Remains in Canada

It’s also possible that they didn’t want to wake the sleeping matter of the remains of 22 Beothucks in possession of various Canadian museums. In 2012, Mi’sel Joe had declared to the CBC that returning those remains to Newfoundland is “the respectful and right thing to do, for anyone.”  At the time, Ottawa’s Canadian Museum of History, where the remains of ten individuals lie, had named lack of resources as the reason for their failure to be proactive in the matter.

According to more recent statements of spokeswoman Éliane Laberge, they have received no formal request from Indigenous groups.

* Featured Image: A portrait of Demasduit, one of the last Beothucks of Newfoundland