Rapture regrets and accomplishments

If you’re reading this, you’re a godless heathen who has been left behind. I’m either at the top of Mount Royal with enough provisions to last me a few days or out looting. After all, I did say I’d attend post-raputure looting on Facebook and we all know to say one is “attending” something on Facebook is a sacred trust. Yes, the rapture happened yesterday at 6pm eastern, according to various people online and some guy who already predicted it would happen once before and that’s good enough evidence for me to write this post in advance and head to the hills.

While I’m sure the next seven years of planetary destruction will be interesting to say the least, I do have some regrets:

SlutWalk: It’s unfortunate that the end of the world will pre-empt the Montreal SlutWalk scheduled to happen next weekend. A few months ago, a Toronto cop correlated provocative attire with an invitation to rape, which inspired the original Toronto SlutWalk, an event that has since spread virally around the world. Knowing Montreal’s penchant for politics and colourful dress, this event has all the hallmarks of a real good time with a powerful message. If the world doesn’t end, for some reason, expect coverage right here on FTB.

Lord Harper’s Majority: I can’t say that I’m all that disappointed to be missing out on four years of a Harper majority government. If the last half decade of him trying to appear somewhat centrist while still acting like a corrupt despot leaving police states and broken promises in his wake are any indication, four years of no one being able to remove him won’t be a good thing. Global catastrophe might not be that bad of an alternative, considering Stephen and his Tarsand Tories would probably leave the environment in just as bad a shape. Too bad they’re not really as devout as they claim, then they’d be swept away and let the rest of us run things for a change.

Orange to block: On the other hand, I was looking forward to what the prospect of a truly fresh national alternative in the form of the NDP opposition could bring to the table. We’re talking about a voice firmly rooted in the left elected with a strong mandate from Quebec and offering many candidates that haven’t had the chance to be corrupted by the system yet. They’ve already started, too. Before parliament resumed, a group of NDP MPs already came out pushing for greater funding for the arts.

A summer of fun: Montreal’s summer is always chock-full of festivals. Guess that won’t happen this year (if by fluke it does, check out our coverage here on FTB). I’m really looking forward to Infringement running June 16-26 in Montreal, July 28-August 2 in Buffalo, September 1-11 in Hamilton and finishing up it’s last night for the season in Brooklyn tonight (May 22). Normally I wouldn’t be so brazen as to hardcore plug an event I’m involved with, but it’s the end of the world, so sue me!

Regrets out of the way, it’s been a real fun ride. If everything goes downhill from here, at least we can say that we accomplished quite a bit before the apocalypse (not just FTB getting number 3 on BOM, but society as a whole). So here are my parting thoughts…

Editor’s Note: Um, uh, yeah. So the world didn’t end like expected. I haven’t fled for the hills, though I am considering going to Tam Tams (pretty nice weather, not super hot but you can leave the house without a jacket). While I may have egg on my face, at least I didn’t give my lifesavings away like some people did.

Guess not everyone saw this as comical internet meme. Speaking of memes, guess I’m going to have to explain to our promo team (yes, we have one of those now) why I wrote about a trending topic with a date and time limit and posted it the day after that limit had expired.

I guess jumping on artificial deadlines for the end of existence helps bring us closer together. It creates a universal concept that we can all either get behind, fear, or even mock en masse.

I’m going to start working on a post for the real end of the world in 2012. At least that’s when the documentary I saw with John Cusack and Woody Harrelson said things would come to an end. While the internet may mislead, at least Hollywood doesn’t lie.

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