Spring Thaws Into An Election and Dog Poop

I’d like to begin this one by wishing my grandmother, Zelda Tenenbaum a very happy 90th birthday!

Kittens don't make you responsible: Harper

Stephen Harper even sent in a form letter that was signed by a machine to tell her just that! Harper might not be the best choice for Prime Minister, but out of the current candidates he seems to be the only candidate with any real experience as an incumbent Prime Minister of Canada.

Of course, Harper hasn’t exactly done any better of a job at being Prime Minister than any of his predecessors. In fact, many of his predecessors did a far better job than him, but then if he was doing a good job of running the country, taxpayer’s money would not be going in to be blown on the fourth election in seven years. It could probably be put to use by building more jails and buying more ludicrously overpriced fighter planes that are available to him at a much lower cost.

In reality, longer sentences in prisons without appeals, along with deportations of many, not all of whom were foreign-born, have been on the rise. So has unemployment and the general crime rate across the country. This achieves and accomplishes the creation of only a few jobs, and an infrastructure that costs Canadian taxpayers a very large sum of money indeed. The Liberals are led by a seemingly power-hungry out of touch lout, as per usual, and I’m wondering whether NDP still stands for “No Damned Principals?”

For further erection coverage, consult your fly.

…And now, on with the rant…

It’s April, and with the melting snow comes all of the garbage, the stink, and especially the dog-excrement that lies like landmines just waiting for someone to step in. Cleaning up after a pet is responsible, and really should be backed up by law. If someone doesn’t clean up after their dog, they should then be forced to give up their dogs, followed by their own immediate execution. OK, maybe that’s going too far, but I think at least that if we made urban landmines actually explosive, like regular landmines, a lot more people would clean up after their dogs.

Now wouldn't that be nice!

Therefore, I propose a bill that would have dog food manufacturers put nitroglycerin and other explosives into the dog food, with some kind of time-release system where the owners of the dog could safely clean up after their dogs, but if left out for more than, say, an hour, they will then explode on contact, causing damages to the property, with dire consequences for dog owners who are irresponsible.

On the other hand, I realize that most dog owners are usually responsible, respectful, law-abiding citizens and those few irresponsible and ill-mannered dog owners simply give the rest of the dog-owning populace a very bad name. Therefore I believe that if anyone doesn’t clean up after even one infraction of their dog pooping on the sidewalk (clean it up with a pooper-scooper, and empty it into the nearest municipal trash can) and instead covers their dog’s excrement with the snow that is conveniently there because no trash can is readily available, then the excrement must be mailed to city hall by way of priority courier, destination: the mayor’s desk. Trash cans will pop up fast all over town shortly thereafter. If they don’t, then you must keep shipping your dog’s excrement to city hall until they do.

Really, though, irresponsible pet owners should not be permitted to own pets.

And if you would like to send any care packages to the Mayor his mailing address is:

Hôtel de ville
275, rue Notre-Dame Est
Montréal (Québec)
H2Y 1C6

* Photos by gerryporter.blogspot.com and thehydrant.wordpress.com

2 comments

  • Harper with a kitten. Best Picture Ever!

  • What if, instead of the sidewalk by someone’s yard, the dog poops in the woods in a park or other area not frequented by humans? See, feces is biodegradable so it seems odd to throw it in the trash to me. I don’t deny, pooping in front of someone’s yard or even a bus stop or religious mysticism center (church)isn’t cool and is a bit rude. However, I’d say about half as bad as littering, which is just plain stupid and harmful.

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