You gotta little something in your teeth, looks like a curly lil hair, huh, curious how that got there…

“I give the best head and he won’t even lick my pussy,” say most women. Everyone should be getting licked from their head down to their toes, or their necks, backs, pussies and cracks if that’s what they so desire.

Unfortunately the trend seems to be general unhappiness with the oral sex from at least one person in the relationship. This seems to be a common occurrence in unhealthy modern relationships.

Men are so used to seeing cock hungry pornstars deep throating every piece of meat thrown in front of them that they think its a woman’s obligation to service their member on command.

hot dogsI had a boyfriend once who disliked my dick sucking skills so much that he started to send me videos to study in order to brush up on my talent. I was young, maybe not so skilled, but hey, I’m willing to go down there, don’t you dare offend me by sending me the best of blowjob pornos for tips. Believe me, I am happy to do the damn thing when a partner respectfully requests it or just plain deserved a treat.

Don’t get me wrong, I like warm meat in my mouth. Sometimes in the form of wieners and hot dogs other times I like roast beef and the almighty taco! I am bisexual, so I know how to navigate genitalia of all kinds and am not afraid to go there for the right person.

Some uninformed people seem to think that you are practicing safe sex by just engaging in oral sex. This is not true, you still should use condoms and dental dams to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases. Yes, you can get type 1 Herpes (mouth) from someone who has type 2 (genital).

As a woman it is okay to want to be satisfied without having to owe them fellatio in return. Usually this is not a problem in lesbian relationships, women are more than happy to return the favor.

Unless there is stone butch or trans-man who is not comfortable receiving oral sex, that is a whole different hurdle that the couple has to cross. A friend of mine gave me some insight on gay male relationships and that there sometimes seems to be a divide between tops and bottoms (or even switch) where a man will take it until their partner cums but will not have the opportunity to get off themselves.

That sounds like pure disrespect and laziness to me. Since a bottom cannot get off by penetrating his partner he should at least get a blowjob after or his ass eaten out. I mean come on now! DO NOT roll over and die after you get off, finish off your partner. Everyone deserves to get theirs, that’s why we are doing this isn’t it? Not to be selfish.

I’ve talked to friends of mine that have been in relationships where the guy only wanted oral sex all day every day. She had jaw and throat problems from this, and do you think he reciprocated? No.

What is so gross about the vagina?

I had a bearded one night stand willing to eat me out while on my period and a long term relationships where I got head only twice in four plus years. He earned his red wings that night I guess.

Hell, I’m not ashamed that I have gone down on several girls while their aunt Flo was visiting. Sometimes in the heat of the passion you just gotta do it no matter what. I will never let a thing like that get in between me and a passionate encounter.

Wouldn’t be offended in the least if he/she suggested that I took a quick shower. Or if we did it together. I mean I don’t necessarily want gym stinky balls or a rare roast beef in my face either. Cleanliness is next to godliness right?

I do really love the human smells. There is nothing sexier than the musk of the one you love. Sweet summer stanky sweet sweat. Get over here! Maybe he was working on a car or playing music all day. You know the smell was earned because he did something incredible to earn it. You suddenly want to make him sweat some more… (Insert masturbation here).

Umm ok. Ahem. Hair, let’s talk about hair. Especially hair down there.

As far as body hair goes it is a personal choice! Don’t ever judge someone for having or not having body hair. Its not your body.

In the last year I have stopped shaving my legs and armpits. Even people like Miley Cyrus have gotten into the trend of changing what a woman is supposed to look like. She boldly dyed her armpit hair bright pink.

I recently also dyed my pubes pink with a friend and attempted the pits with less success. I remember standing there with Max Darling in our bathroom with bleach on our crotches and pits and just bursting out laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

pink flamingos

It just reminded me of John Waters’ 1972 film Pink Flamingos. Two characters in the film had curtains that definitely matched the carpet. Raymond and Connie Marble, the second Filthiest People Alive, had crazy kinky sex on screen, sported pubic hair dyed to match their technicolor electric blue and orange manes. It was infamously glorious.

Pubic hair trends have varied from full wild untamed bush to tasteful bush to sculpted landing strips to straight shaved pre-pubescent little girl bald. Many women are saying fuck shaving, electrolysis, and waxing. They are now embracing their armpit hair, leg hair, and real beards – face beards and bearded clams alike! By doing this beauty standards and societal expectations of what a proper woman should look like are challenged.

I adore porn from the 70s and 80s. The animalistic nature of these hairy beast men having sweaty nasty hard beast sex with wild and untamed vaginas and horrifying tan lines.

austin powers manscapingI once loved a man with back hair. He was hairy like animal Austin Powers sweater hairy. It was like sleeping next to a bear. I wasn’t mad.

My first boyfriend told me he wanted me to have a shaved pussy. Ok I said, let’s try this. I shave my legs, totes the same right?!

Awe hell no.

The razor burn and bumps was the most painful and disgusting crotch thing that had ever happened to me at that point in my life. Only second to the yeast infection I got years later that mortified me to this day and made me really love cranberry juice. I get it now.

It burned and itched and looked like a disease. I was never so scared in my life. I knew I was doing it wrong. Going against the grain with a multiblade little pink razor was a bad choice.

That’s the last I have ever let someone tell me how to be sexy and do something that I was not comfortable or felt necessary doing.

My pubic hair is grown out now and my ladybits nice and warm. I’m not talking about a merkin here either (Victorian pubic wigs used by prostitutes and now by modern Burlesque performers and actors doing nude scenes).

My vagina has just straight up gone rogue and I couldn’t be happier.Even on a good day I do not have the smooth vagina of a twelve year old girl but this has gone far beyond tasteful 90s bush and on to a full out thigh beard and I am not mad.

Female pubic hair is totally trending but even 2015, flashing a little bush in your Instagram photos will get you kicked off the social media app. Female pubic hair is something that is better not seen in the scene. Strip clubs worldwide still have sanctions against the almighty bush.

I think we should go back to the time when bush ran wild and free (and NOT talking either of the Georges or Jeb), and the public viewed pubes as natural beauty. People remove the pubes for many different reasons, including wanting to feel cleaner, sexier, and more comfortable.

Many people get rid of their pubic hair because they think they will get more oral action that way. I think that is crazy. It is healthier and more attractive to have a little fur on your burger.

Don’t let anyone pressure you to change who you are, but don’t let me stop you from making that waxing appointment either, it is your body!

Most girls go gaga for a good beard. The longer, and bushier the better. Hey – I even admit that most of my Tinder swipe lefts are of the furry faced persuasion. Guys love having them, because they can hide behind them (or hide stuff in them). Ron Burgundy and Tom Selleck give a great mustached face, but there is something less pervy uncle and more burly lumberjack about a well groomed beard. Men gain instant sex appeal and credibility once the whiskers and 5’o clock shadows become a full blown beard. But, only the scruffiest manliest men have beards, right? Wrong. Most hipsters, who can grow them, have them these days – along with tattoos and the coolest bicycles. It’s practically a right of passage. Another group of even less manlier men are rocking beards these days – WOMEN!

Bearded ladies have been sideshow attractions in freakshows for years, such as the infamous Josephine Clofullia, Jane Barnell, and Annie Jones of the early 19th century circus circuit. Women who grow natural facial hair often suffer from a hormonal imbalance, usually an androgen excess, poly cystic ovarian syndrome, or a rare genetic disorder called hypertrichosis. Many women are saying fuck electrolysis and waxing, and are now embracing their real beards – face beards and bearded clams alike! By doing this, they challenge beauty standards and societal expectations of what a proper woman should look like. I remember reading about a girl who had a beard by age 11. She was tormented by her peers and even had death threats. She eventually embraced her body hair, and couldn’t be happier, feeling more feminine with it! She will find love because she loves herself. Follow this link to read the full inspirational story of Harnaam Kaur, a young woman who embraces her facial hair.

Then there are the fakers. We wear our whiskers proud, and support charities and women’s rights by becoming beardos. A whiskerina is a female who wears a faux beard. Fake beards are usually crazy and handcrafted monstrosities, made of everything from real human hair or yarn, to moss and flowers or even rubber snakes. Whiskerina competitions started, so that women can have their own voice in the beard competition world, and not just be a side attraction in the male beard world. Watch the story of the First Annual Whiskerina Competition for Breast Cancer Awareness – it’s awesome.

On stage I have done drag for years, and iconic facial hair is a must. I often sport a moustache and 5’oclock shadow, which looks like everybody’s dad. Some other styles I have rocked are the strap on beard (fake hair molded like a beard with a convenient strap that goes around your head that I used for Boobs Ross, my Bob Ross burlesque skit), the sunglasses with dangling mustache, the pencil on (used for the Walter Sobchek chin strap in The Big Lezbowski show I was in), and the most effectively real looking mustache and crepe hair glued to the face with spirit gum. I was even in a music video with my burlesque troupe, The Stripteasers, dedicated to women with moustaches! Check it out here:

I will be competing in an annual beard competition on St. Patrick’s Day at the Essex St Pub in Buffalo, NY. Last year, my friend Melissa Campbell and I arrived at the competition – faces full of fur – and we looked damn fine. We caused a stir just by being there, people didn’t quite know how to handle us. It felt wonderfully empowering. The “real” beards were all very supportive, and gave us great beard stories and advice. It felt like we were allowed into a secret society. Neither of us won, but we were inspired. Because of that fateful day, I now know a little bit more about being a true whiskerina. So, GAME ON BOYS! This year I predict a win for all womankind.

Have you ever craved some Hair of the Dog in the middle of getting a haircut? Dream no more, because it’s become a reality.

Yes, to all of you curious voyeurs! It isn’t just a gimmick! The Blue Dog Motel, a bar wedged between many others on the populated and always busy St Laurent Boulevard, won’t judge you for ordering a gin and tonic with a side of haircut, day or night.

Perhaps for some dutch courage? Relaxation? Social lubrication? Whatever the reason may be, we should all bow down to Montreal born Daniel Marin who had a vision, and pioneered the concept, bringing a bit more fun onto the urban block.

Daniel, a talented hair barber and local ambassador for the Californian water based hair product Layrite, started off giving cuts at the last St-Laurent street sale. The concept really caught on and so his chair was moved from the sidewalk and into the infamous platform level of Blue Dog that once resembled the trippy living room from A Clockwork Orange.

Blue Dog Barber-003

The space has been transformed into a comfortable yet edgy mini salon that suits the atmosphere of the bar. In it, there is the station where Dan works his magic, and a mini bar stashed to the side offering different types of liquor. The bottles are stashed away at times and liquor service is generally offered at the bar itself.

Daniel is a versatile artist who seems willing to work with many different hair types, regardless of length, fullness, texture, or gender. The “no problem” look he gave me when I asked if he would be able to tame my unruly waves was definitely assuring.

“To me, it’s very personal,” he replied when asked where he draws the line, “they tell me what they want, and I let them know if it’s possible beforehand.” He also takes walk ins, which is ideal for those who are feeling impulsive.

As the night progressed and I watched him work his magic, Daniel’s talent with hair really shone through. I witnessed him transform a burly hipster with mop hair into a sleek looking gentleman (with tamed scruff) and a soft looking, slicked back style that I felt tempted to run my fingers through.

Blue Dog Barber-010

I couldn’t help but notice that one of Daniel’s other customers, and Daniel himself, had this similar haircut that resembled heartthrobs of my childhood days. When I asked him if this style was in any way reminiscent of the mid 90s, he scoffed and said “it’s from the 20s and 30s!”

This seems to be the effect that the combination of Layrite and his creative genius have on men’s hair. The product gives an end result of hassle-free hair, is easily washable and holds for just as long as its petroleum jelly based ancestor.

In my opinion, whether it’s 20s, 30s, 90s, trendy, or merely crafted from Dan Marin’s mind, I have nothing against the lads of Montreal walking around town with hair like Leo DiCaprio.

So, why should we start going to Blue Dog to get our hair cut? Well, it’s the only liquor licensed barber in the city and who wouldn’t want to do shots in the middle of a makeover? Also, it’s very economical, since Dan has already done the haute salon scene and doesn’t care to overcharge people for a new look.

Blue Dog Barber-006“What I wanted to do is be one of the lowest on the block,” he said, “25 bucks for men 35 for women.”

If requested, (or if he likes you) he’ll whip out this super nifty head massager called The Hangover Cure. When this device was demonstrated, I didn’t want to leave it alone.

Some may think this establishment could be a road to disaster, but Daniel gives off a super professional vibe. He never works past midnight, appears to be super sober as he’s doing his job and dims the lights/restricts the Barbier area of the bar when he’s off duty, “unless it’s a busy night and space is limited. Then we turn it into a VIP area.”

In my opinion, this establishment is a fun and fresh idea. It’s nice to know that we have the option to knock back a couple while getting a haircut. It’s a super fun concept, and besides, Blue Dog is planning on getting a striped Barber Pole for the occasion.

Do people think this is going to go far? Daniel’s lovely girlfriend and fellow hair stylist Maral definitely thinks so: “this isn’t a pop up shop, it’s gonna get bigger, I feel it.”

* photos by Chris Zacchia