The Authentic Poser: I Am Who I Am (and So Are You)

teenage angst

Everybody struggles with their identity. Step back and stop trying to be anything but authentic to find meaning in life. Be yourself and use your own unique set of skills to make this world a more sustainable place.

I am inspired daily by my friends’ strength. Everyday on Facebook (where the struggle is real) and in actual real life I have friends who are open about their HIV positive status, about being Transgender, or on the Autism spectrum, or recently broken free from abuse (from a person or an addiction), anything that can cast an unjust judgement should be set on the table with a proper place setting.

My life is full of humans who celebrate their beautiful and diverse humanity! Skinny or fat, black or white, red head or bald, gender fluidity, diversity and pride in your culture is the fruit of life. It is only society and the expectations of the patriarchy that ever told us differently.

Vanity masks insecurity. I hide behind my perfect teeth and Marilyn locks. Selfies instead of being selfless. Curse of the bleach blond material girl. That dark comes creeping in. Courtney Love, Madonna, and Debbie Harry are my style goddesses because they didn’t care.

There is a point where letting your roots hang out is sexy, it reminds you of who you are a little bit. I have been hiding behind blonde hair my entire life. I was born with it, I loved it, I identified with it. Then my hair started getting darker and I wasn’t having it! I highlighted at first and then went right for full throttle bleach blonde and haven’t turned back since.

I literally freak out if I dye it too much of another color. Its just like how I identify with being fat. I don’t know who I would be if I wasn’t a large blonde woman anymore. Buxom blonde is me, I cannot be a thin brunette.

What is a poser? People are entitled to change their mind, and sometimes in the beginning of that change they are  going to be considered posers. It’s like when I was a teenager and I decided that I really did like punk music, I wanted pink hair, a plaid skirt, and combat boots. I knew that it couldn’t come from Hot Topic or I would be shunned. I also knew that I wasn’t about that dirty blonde Gap t-shirt Old Navy denim white Nike kind of life anymore either.

Eventually I found out that it didn’t matter what you wore as long as it was yours. It is not cool to completely appropriate ANY culture that is not yours just for the sake of fashion. Of course it is cool to learn about other people’s perspectives and earn the chance to be part of their traditions, learn why they are there and respect their significance.

Be yourself, don’t ever try and be something you are not, but DO constantly re-invent yourself! Don’t ever feel trapped by who people think you are or what they expect you to be like.

My style is a mixture of 1950s housewife, 1980s teenager, and a crazy high school art teacher that is covered in cat hair. But sometimes I prefer to be a man. I like my Zubaz and American Pride gear, I like my unlatching Tevas with dirty knee high tube socks, I could go undercover at a Donald Trump rally and nobody would know the difference, satirically blasting David Alan Coe from a boombox.

american man
All I need is a dirty blonde lace front mullet wig with a matching mustache. That’s next level, with a little investment he will be believable even. I would no longer be just a girl in a wig,

I often wonder what I would look like if I was just left to my own devices and not brought up in the society that told me I had to be a girl because I was born with a vagina and not a penis. It’s not like my parents bought in though, I could have had GI Joes if I wanted them, I just really did love Barbies. I liked to dress them up and make them bang, didn’t everyone do that?

I went on fishing trips and had season tickets to the Buffalo Bills, always in places normally designated for just the boys. I took after my amazing grandma, her name was Fred (Mary Freda). Non gendered names are the best.

gay unicorns
Everyone is a sparkling  unicorn. We all need to get connected on this idea. If everyone treasured every life we would have no hate or war, no murder or conflict.

Take the time to curl your hair and use the sugar scrub, paint your toe nails neon pink. My toes aren’t mean for those with a foot fetish, you cannot suck on these toes.

My legs are hairy and covered in scales. I have always tried to compensate for my insecurities by making something else way more extravagant. If my hair and makeup is fancy and I have on a pretty dress nobody will notice how flawed the rest of me is.

I need to wake up and realize that there are NO flaws. I am ok being naked on stage or posing for art students but scared of being photographed nude because of my skin, the weight doesn’t bother me as much as the skin condition,

Disease is not beautiful. But in the last two days I have met two beautiful women who have the same stupid auto immune skin disease as I do. I didn’t judge their skin issues and they didn’t judge mine.

My life is as important as my cat’s life, or the life of a new born baby, or a 98 year old man, or a cow waiting to be slaughtered. Every being is perfect and worth it. There is no life that matters more than another life, we all are equal and beautiful.

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