Upper Crust Punk, Turkey Breasts and Epic Threesomes: Remembering the Best Day of My Life by Having the New Best Day of My Life

cat thanksgiving

Today I woke up in a cuddle pile with some of my all time favorite humans in the world: my soul friends. They inspire me to new depths of creativity, I want to travel the world with them, love and respect them forever, and always have time to meet them at random times and places and sit down to reminisce about their adventures and our conjoined memories. They are my roommates, my longtime friends, my inspiration to pinup culture, the girl who inspired my Monroe piercing and lust for travel, the people who create my favorite music, new friends, and past lover

The patterns and techinicolor of the John Waters movie made me feel like I was tripping, we were in the movie. His films have inspired the people and art that has influenced me. It was fucking magical. I even made spontaneous plans to go see him in New Orleans in December, I will meet John Waters and finally be discovered, it’s my new life plan.

Last night was also one of the best and most inspired shows I have ever had, The Stripteasers and I danced our hearts out, leaving the frustrations of our daily lives at the door and truly transforming for our audience. I performed in raunchy drag to Adam Sandler’s Thanksgiving Song and it was epic. I spent way too much money on the most epic turkey hat and made some pretty adorable turkey pasties (get it, “turkey breasts,” ahhh). Cock Sinclair was in a fantasy land.

cat thanksgiving 2I did a live version of the song and the laugh track from the live audience made me feel so empowered. It was perfect, I almost want to add a laugh/clap track to all of my songs. That way even if nobody likes the show I will still have positive vibes. There have been only a three or so times where I have felt the total roar of an audience like Adam Sandler felt during that live show. On the bar in the red glow of Nietzsches I pulled a turkey baster and a very phallic turkey decoration out of my plush penis and seductively t-bagged the unsuspecting onlookers.

Buffalo LGBTQ Pride 2015 was one of the best days of my life. I stuffed a gas station apple pie full of magic mushrooms while I was wrapped up in a giant rainbow pride flag attached to my adult tricycle that was parked literally steps away from a police officer. I rode around that day feeling like the parade was for me.

The highest point of the day was performing in the tent at the main event. I was sandwiched between fabulous up and coming local drag queens. I danced to the Backstreet Boys’ Larger than Life and pulled my infamous rubber fist (her name is Ivana Punishu) out of my pants.

The crowd converged on me. It was a feeling like no other. There was a moment of panic when I realized that I did not remove my swamp ass bike shorts before the show… I took them off and there was definitely a wet spot, but nobody noticed because the rubber fist distracted them. I thought I was going to be lifted up to crowd surf like at a Warped Tour. During the climax of the song I took a magnum condom out of my pocket and put it on the giant rubber fist.

I was told right before the performance that the show was supposed to be PG-13… well clearly I was more NC-17…. and it was perfection. I enjoy pushing all of the boundaries that I can. It was an incredible moment in my life.

Some other moments of greatness involved three becoming one… lets just say there was a lot of alcohol and heavy petting involved. It was incredible for me to finally have the two people I wanted most.

I had known that I was bisexual since high school (even sooner than that really, just not acknowledged, maybe even as young as kindergarten), but I had never had the opportunity to have both genders at the same time. It was fucking magical.

I had just gotten out of an emotionally abusive long term relationship and was brand new in the burlesque scene, I drove a van, I was an assistant manager at my favorite clothing store Torrid, and in art school at the University of Buffalo. I was inspired to create some of the most prolific and large scale art of my life.

It changed me as a person. I grew so much that year artistically and sexually. I have not explored a relationship like that since. I realize that it’s all I want, the right person to take on the world with. I need a man that I can pick up women with, a woman I can pick up men with, or even one of each.

I don’t think that’s greedy, I just see other people doing it and then I remember the happiest time of my youth. I was at a party out of town last week in a similar cuddle puddle.

cat fashionThe real best day of my life was during a fashion show called Mass Appeal. The whole reason for this blog is partially because of Facebook’s new “memory” feature. It showed me a photo from two years ago when I was wearing a corset made out of pizza crust, a grease sheet skirt and pizza box train.

I had a giant mohawk with extensions and epic glittery shoes that easily put me over six feet. I was the only plus size model in the show. I remember wearing this corset and feeling like a greased pig. I walked to the end of the runway and took bite of a slice and the crowd ignited. I felt like I was at a Bills  game and not a bourgeois fashion show.

I got what I wanted that day. I have always fantasized about having a mohawk. It was my power. I was invincible. I remember walking through the sea of perfect tiny models after taking off my costume. I was practically naked, wearing only small red “pepperoni” pasties, my blatant imperfections and a thong as I made my way to the bathroom after the runway. I had never felt as beautiful as I did that day.

Tonight is a full moon. It is also the anniversary of the best day of my life. I am working, but I have some amazing things lined up for this evening. My boobs look great in this dress. I am going to dance, laugh, and love like today is the new best day of my life.

I stood on the roof and smoked a bowl as the sun set on my beautiful city and breathed in the crisp fall air (warmer than usual) and felt that same invincibility that I felt on stage two years ago. I came into work at the hostel and two guys from Indonesia checked in and immediately wanted to take a selfie with me. I guess Im looking memorable today. I can’t wait to take on the night.

Tomorrow I am going to have my entire family over, this is my time to go nuts and be free. It’s hard to be happy when all we see in the world is pain and despair, there is so much evil that we must cherish our moments of bliss, it may not last forever.

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