What the Queef?

queef

I once had a friend who could queef on command. The first time I saw her perform this uniquely feminine, though certainly not ladylike, bodily function was in front of three gay men. They giggled with glee and disbelief as she popped their queef cherry.

A queef, also known as vaginal flatulence, a vart, a pussy fart or a fanny fart for ladies across the pond, occurs when air that has been pushed into the vagina is expelled.

As a woman become aroused during sexual intercourse her vagina expands, allowing excess air to sneak in. Sometimes a queef can occur when the penis enters, as there is less room for the air. They also can occur after sex, when the vagina has returned to its normal size, thus expelling the air. Frequently changing positions during intercourse can increase the likelihood of pussy farts, as the more times the penis is completely taken out and thrusted back into the vagina, the more likely it is that air will be trapped in and pushed out.

Queefing can also occurring during other activities like yoga or pilates that involve bending and manipulation of the body. Since it is not comprised of intestinal gasses like a traditional fart, a queef has no odor.

To prevent or cut down on queefing, some doctors recommend Kegel exercises as a means of strengthening the vaginal muscles and pelvic floor. This allows the vagina to achieve a tighter grip around the penis, forming a more complete seal that doesn’t allow air in. Using lube during sexual intercourse has also been known to reduce queefing.

The best way to deal with a queef during sex is just to laugh it off. It’s a perfectly normal thing that happens to every woman at some point in their sexual escapades. South Park weighed in on this debate in a hilarious season 13 called “Eat, Pray, Queef”, where queefing gets banned because the men don’t find it funny at all, despite their preference for fart-based humor.

Some find the noise to be appealing, and downright arousing. As with just about anything else you can think of, there are a ton of porn videos on the internet devoted to girls of all kinds queefing their brains out. Radio shock jock Howard Stern held the world championships of queefing, where he pitted two women against each other to see who could exert the most queefs in the shortest amount of time. The winner, Abby, managed an astounding 93 queefs in 30 seconds, equaling about 3 per second. You’ve gotta see it to believe it!

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