Wow, You Actually Look Sexy Now!

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I have recently lost some weight, I do not know how much because I have vowed to not step on a scale ever again. Everyone has a comment.

Other things I vowed to never do again are eat meat, shave my legs or pits, or wear a bra daily. None of these things are for you, world. They are my idea of smashing down an unnecessary wall of femininity and unhealthy life choices. Stepping on a scale means I am measuring my loveliness with a number, the bigger the number, the less I am as a person. Our bodies are marginalized to fit unrealistic goals.

fat girlI remember being called obese by a school nurse and laughed at by my peers, I was called Fat Cat for years. At one point I was way over 300 pounds (and still got laid ps). The clothes I wore then now sag and fall off of me, that is how I measure my losses.

I feel sexy at any weight. Layers peeled off reveal a fresh new me, ready as ever to take on the world, and facing the same problems. I want protect my heart. I deserve to be loved in the wide open, for the world to see, be proud of me, love who you see.

Oh, now I’m good enough for you? I meet your standards of beauty? I don’t want to be your fetish or the extra in an experimentation. I must be the main act. If I am not good enough to be your star always, then you are not good enough for me.

By no means am I considered skinny or even fit (I was once called fit by a sexy British man and almost laughed). My body is still quite lush and jiggly. I am a proud plus size woman, it’s just that I am a tiny bit smaller now.

high schoolI can fit into my high school dance dresses, and that feels damn good. I haven’t squeezed into a size 16 in a long time. I did it for me, because I wanted to, not in any way to prove myself or improve myself for general consumption.

Several people have said things like “Damn, you are actually hot now!” or “Now, I am attracted to you!” or my favorite “Wow don’t take this as a dis, but you look good now!”

By saying now you are definitely implying that this sexiness is a newfound thing that I did not possess in the past. I am literally the same person. How does a few pounds of fat make me any less? I actually find the chubbier version of myself drop dead gorgeous.

FUCK YOU, I’VE ALWAYS LOOKED GOOD ASSHOLE! I don’t need your approval to feel good about myself. I appreciate that you are trying to compliment me, but those kind of twisted back handed misogynist compliments can drive someone crazy.

vintage adAs females we are pressured to fit into the perfect mold of femininity. Oh woe is little ol’ me, exposed for all the world to see, standing strong for the rest of us.

I have had several friends who have gone through Gastric Bypass and the Lapband surgery with various degrees of success. I think it is crazy to get a life threatening surgery for the name of beauty. These people are doing it for health reasons, they cannot stand to be smothered by their own body weight anymore.

I have mixed emotions about these surgeries, while I think they are important and do have success rates, I also think its important that the psychological side is taken care of too. Many gain it right back. They may not be ready for the newfound attention, sexual and otherwise, due to their smaller “more attractive” body. They are still dealing with all the years of torture that got them to that point, and now also flaps of sagging skin, tits like deflated balloons.

There is so much more to think about than the need to be skinny because society wants you to be normal. Normal bodies are all bodies, there is no cookie cutter perfect. Skinny, fat, and in between are all sexy. Big, little, short, tall, yep all unique and glorious.

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I haven’t lost that much weight and I didn’t do it to meet your expectation of what a female should look like. I stopped eating meat because I don’t want to participate in the inhumane cruelty of the meat industry. I stopped drinking so much alcohol because it causes health issues like liver damage, diabetes, and dementia. I started riding my trike everywhere because I want to lessen my impact on pollution and promote green transportation and community exploration.

Diet and exercise are key to having a healthy body. I want to be healthy so I can live a long prosperous life and not to be some vision for your consumption.

I know some people are just trying to be nice. I am not on The Biggest Loser, I am a winner god dammit, treat me with respect. Just please, think about the words you are saying before you absent mindedly disrespect someone.

Weight comments are never a good idea. Eating disorders and body dismorphia kill. Love all bodies so they can live.

“Hey when are you due?”is in the same relm as “Wow you look great after you lost all of that weight (and not a second before, fatty!)”. Just a simple “Wow, you are beautiful!” is perfect, and should be said to every person you meet.

We are all beautiful, no matter what our size. We need to love who we are and strive to be healthy and happy in our lovely perfectly imperfect bodies.

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